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  • 托福作文满分,都推荐无老师作文巨讲堂!   无老师优秀范例:Another reason why the statement is false is that it neglects the growing power of modern technology, which releases people from ...

    在公众号之前,无老师的主战场是无老师的网站,但是因为网站访问没有公众号便利,因此无老师这次开始更新,是以公众号来作为主战场的,这就避免不了一个很非常重要的问题,就是之前网站沉淀了非常多的资料,但是公众号又存留的不多,而无老师对于托福考试的理论建设当中,又避免不了需要这些资料,因此从今天开始,无老师就逐步穿插着,把之前网站当中的资料,搬到这个公众号当中来,方便无花果们在手机中直接进行阅读,今天所搬运的资料,是无老师另外一个成名作《作文巨讲堂》。

     

    作文巨讲堂的来源,是源于无老师对于托福考试最为深刻的理解,也就是对于托福考试评分标准的理解。

     

    我们以往,往往把准备托福作文的焦点,放在结构,放在长难句,放在思想有多么的深刻。但是如果你像无老师一样,每周有那么多考生报分,你会看到他们的优秀作文,也会看到那些比较平庸的作文,用我们今天一个时髦的词“大数据”,通过比对之后,无老师就洞察到一个特别关键的问题,也就是托福作文到一定分数段(20分)之后提分的核心,就已经与我们之前认为的结构、长难句等,相距很远很远了。

     

    高能预警:这些作文,都是真正在考场当中,托福作文拿到29,30分的习作。非常真实地反映了在考场上,能够拿到接近满分作文的考生的真实水平。

     

    无老师非常清楚,这些作文当中是有语法错误的,但是无老师希望把这些,真实地展现在读者面前,这些作文之所以拿到接近满分的成绩,而并没有收到1-2个小的语法错误的影响,我们可以理解为瑕不掩瑜。哪怕是在真实的考试之中,这些考生也难免会有1-2个小的错误,但是因为最终整体所体现的水平非常的高,因此最后还是拿到了接近满分的成绩。

     

    有错误,欢迎指出!但是,我们不能因咽废食,因为1-2个小的错误,就否定整体的作文的水平,毕竟这些作文,真实的反映了,ETS对于托福高分作文,所执行的真实标准。

     

    真正的优秀作文,评分的核心原则就只有一点“地道”。

     

    当然这里面的“地道”,是有多重含义的。

    第一层、以“正确”为前提,当我们说一个人发音非常地道的时候,我们首先肯定了他的发音是标准的,以及用词是正确的,因此当我们谈论“地道”这一点的时候,我们首先要清楚,这一切都是以你已经过了20分,做到了语法上基本上没有错误为前提的。

     

    第二层、用词的准确性和多样性。无老师经常去的一个例子就是,当我们长期在汉语环境中生活的时候,其实我对用词的准确性感觉不强,对于人家的地道感觉也不强。

     

    但是你如果有像无老师一样,有在北方和广州、工作和生活的双重经验的话,你很快就会发现,用词是有“地道”这一说的。等我们在广州的时候,如果说要去哪里,那么我们会用“过”这个字。

     

    比如说,我要去北京西单商场,广州人会说,“我要过西单商场”,而北方人会说,“我要去西单商场”。很显然表达同样一个意思,“到哪里去”,在广州就要用“过”这个字,但是在北方就要用“去”这个字。很显然,这并不是一个对与错的问题,从语法上来说,这两个字全都是对的,但是如果你入乡随俗,如果你了解当地的文化,那么你在北方就会用“去”,而在广州就会用“过”,这就是所说的“地道”,在英语之中同样也存在这样的问题,这并不涉及语法对与错,这里更多的是一种约定俗成的习惯,当地人就会这么用词,就会用这个词,而没有什么原因。

     

    在托福作文当中就是这样的,如果你用到了当地人常用的那个词,那个字,那个表达方法,他认为你就是“地道”,就是会给你高分,但是如果你没有用到那个字,比如说你在北方用了“过”,虽然从语法上来说,你说的没有任何错误,但是因为北方人就不怎么说话,因此从北方人看来,你写得就是不地道,就是不会给你高分。

     

    再举一个例子,我们在大学生活的人都会知道,同样表达“丢”,这个意思,南方人会用“掉”,而北方人会用“丢”。比如说如果一个南方人对北方人说“我的钱包掉了”,北方人的理解是,你的钱包刚刚掉在地上了,有可能弄脏了,马上捡起来就好,这个钱包现在应该还在你的身上。但是南方人实际想表达的意思是,刚才钱包被偷了,或者掉在地上,已经找不到了。

     

    这就是从另外一个角度来解释,什么叫做用词“地道”。

     

    第三层、句子的多样性。这其实不仅仅是在英文当中,文档中也有类似的情况,就是我们在写表达的时候,如果总是用我认为,我认为,我认为,那么我们就会认为这个是小学生作文,因为他用的句式过于单一和简单,而且没有变化,只有每一个句子有不同的句式的变化,我们才会认为这个人比较有文化,这里就是句子多样性的意义。

     

    而不管是用词的准确性,多样性,句子的地道,他们都是要有一个非常重要的前提的,也就是我们一定要知道,地道的作文到底会怎么写?优秀的作文到底会怎么写?我们才知道,该怎么写?如果我们单纯的仅仅是在背单词,学语法,而不去了解,学习,背诵,使用,这些地道的表达方法和用法的话,那么很显然我们是不可能写出地道的用法。

     

    第四层、整体水平。其实在托福考试之中,我们经常会发现托福满分作文,会有一些小的语法错误,甚至有的人都没有把作文写完,他的作文也是29分,甚至是满分。之所以会出现这种情况,就是因为,其实托福作文的评分主要看的是你整体的作文,所展现出来的水平,只要你的整体水平非常高,那么有一点小的语法错误上的瑕疵、或者拼写上的瑕疵,甚至没有写完作文,差一两句话,其实对于整体评分也没有太大的影响,因为你之前已经证明了自己整体的能力。

     

    读到这里,无花果们就应该都清楚了,无老师这个作文巨讲堂的整体的理念基础。

     

    在无老师的作文巨讲堂之中,无老师会首先摆出,满分作文或者是29分作文,然后再给出相应的中文翻译,然后再根据中文翻译写出一篇非常平庸的作文。

     

    这里面的目的,就是给每一位无花果展示出,优秀作文到底优秀在哪里?句子多样性在哪里?用词的地道准确性在哪里?如果单纯的讲,无花果们感觉不深刻,但是无老师在这里面特地写出了平庸作文来进行对比,无花果们通过对比平庸作文,马上就能看出来,优秀范例,到底有多么的优秀,这就是作文巨讲堂的整个的写作方法,以及写作方向。

     

    而作文巨讲堂的使用方法,其核心理念就是先“了解”,然后“学习”,接下来“背诵”,最后是“使用”,缺一不可!因此,使用作文巨讲堂的时候,一定要清楚:单纯的看,这是不行的,还要去仿写!

     

    使用作文巨讲堂的时候,要遵循以下的步骤:

     

    首先第一步,自然是要将这一期的作文巨讲堂通读3遍。因为人类有个问题,就是看过一遍就认为自己已经知道了,但是问题是看过之后我们只是知道这个故事的梗概,比如说我们都看过少年Pi,但是有几人能够不看原版,直接拍一个一模一样的少年Pi呢?

     

    第二步:按照中文释义自己将其翻译成英文。因为只有自己将其翻译成英文,才能知道自己的写作能力是怎样的。在这里不要害怕已经将原文背下来了,如果你真的将原文一字不差的背下来了,那么我们的目的也就达到了。

     

    第三步:按照一开始给的优秀中文范文,修改自己的文章,这里要修改用词,句子的结构,固定搭配,用优秀范文里的内容替换自己的平庸的用法。

     

    第四步:随便找题目写2篇作文,尽量将优秀范例里面的元素用到自己的作文之中。

     

    第五步:每周坚持至少写2篇,将优秀范例里的元素用到自己的作文之中,否则就遗忘了。

     

    托福作文不接近满分,一定是之上的步骤做得不够!用功用的不够,自己将来是一定不会原谅自己的!托福作文满分的人,都推荐无老师作文巨讲堂!

     

    无老师优秀范例:Another reason why the statement is false is that it neglects the growing power of modern technology, which releases people from their labor and put machines and computers in places which employees originally occupy. It is a common phenomenon now that tremendous farm land are being well organized under the control of merely its owner taking advantage of the most advanced machines. Also, factories that “hires” computers to manage the mass production is no longer news. Neither of these seemed even possible only decades ago, but they now obvious examples of how a bussiness could be run without employees.

    无老师优秀翻译:这个说法不成立的另外一个原因是在于,它忽略了不断发展的现代科技,他把我们人类从繁重的体力劳动之中解放出来,让机器和电脑代替了原来雇工做的事情。要知道,现在很多农场主,仅仅是通过最先进的机器就能很好的管理自己巨大的农场了。同时,那些雇佣电脑来管理生产线的工厂,已经不是很新鲜了。但是这些在10年前都是不可能的,但是在今天,他们都成了,公司如何在没有很多员工的情况下,运营的最为明显的例子了。

    无老师平庸范例:This statement is wrong, and the another reason for this is that it can not see the technology is developing, and it liberates our human from hard work, and it makes machines and computers do the jobs that people do. We all know that many farm owners are managing their farms by the most advance machines. At the same time, it is not new that many people are using computers to manage the factories. But they are imposibble in many years ago, but today, they are the most obvious examples of how a company run without many people.

     

    无老师精析:语言是什么?我们通常认为语言是一种沟通的方式,从小伙伴们学习英语的过程来看,又会觉得语言是由单词和语法堆砌出来怪物。但是当我们语言体验的够深之后,有又会觉得语言是一种约定俗成的表达方式。最后,我们或许会觉得语言是历史,文化和时间的产物,如果时间真的是一个维度的话。

    其实小伙伴们从今天的优秀范文,与平庸作文的对比之中,就可以发现,语言真的不仅仅是单词和语法的堆积产品而已,哪怕用同样的单词,我们的平庸范例写的真的就是与优秀范例相去甚远,有优秀范例我们可以看出,任何一种语言都有其约定俗成的表达形式,哪怕是同一种语言,当我们不熟悉人家本来常见的表达方式,我们的平庸范例写的也是如隔靴搔痒。

     

    本段,一共就4句。第一句,优秀范例:Another reason why the statement is false is that it neglects the growing power of modern technology, which releases people from their labor and put machines and computers in places which employees originally occupy.对比平庸范例This statement is wrong, and the another reason for this is that it can not see the technology is developing, and it liberates our human from hard work, and it makes machines and computers do the jobs that people do.从开头我们就一下能辨别出优秀范例,与平庸范例的差别,在这里平庸范例的This statement is wrong,几乎就是字对字的把单词堆砌起来的,但是优秀范例首先一个another即显示出本段是承接上一段进行进一步论述的,这一点,平庸范例根本显示不出来。其次,优秀范例对于表示对一个观点的否定的时候,用的也是false,而不是比较口语的wrong。接下来,优秀范例,在表达忽略的时候用的也是neglect,也是很书面化,加分!不仅如此,接下来,优秀范例用的growing power写的也是很贴切,而不是像平庸范例写的technology is developing句型写的这么简单和常见。而在这个时候,如果我们跳到更高的高度的话,还会发现优秀范例的Another reason why the statement is false is that it neglects这个句型一气呵成,逻辑衔接得非常好,我们可以直接抄下来,当作常用加分句式。

     

    后半句,优秀范例选词其实一般,但是两个固定搭配很好,首先是releases ….. from…..用的很好,第二个是put ……. in places,两个固定搭配看似平庸,但是当我们把真正的平庸范例makes machines and computers do the jobs,拿过来的时候,我们就会发现,原来优秀范例写的颇有一些文绉绉的感觉!也就是把你提走了不说提走了,而是说找人替代了你的位置,言下之意,也就是这里不需要你了。而且优秀范例最后用的employees originally occupy,这里的originally occupy用的特别好,首先originally,那就说明,now,这里已经没有你的位置了。然后occupy,对应前面的place,颇有前后呼应的感觉。至于平庸范例do来,do去的,过于口语化。

     

    第二句,优秀范例It is a common phenomenon now that tremendous farm land are being well organized under the control of merely its owner taking advantage of the most advanced machines.对比平庸范例We all know that many farm owners are managing their farms by the most advance machines.优秀范例的It is a common phenomenon now that显得非常的书面,颇有一种“纵观古今,我们都知道这样一个道理”的大会作报告的感觉扑面而来!赞~\(≧▽≦)/~!至于平庸范例的We all know that,就好像是“大伙想想,是不是这个理”口语化倾向很浓厚。接下来的tremendous farm land也就是还好。但是后面的一连串组合拳很漂亮,首先是are being well organized强调现在已经是正在实行的情况,其二,under the control of merely its owner,用介宾短语under+名词结构,而不是用很僵化的by doing。而且优秀范例最后还用了伴随状语taking advantage of,使得句式很多样化,而且其本身还是一个固定搭配take advantage of,更是给自己加分!

     

    第三句,优秀范例Also, factories that “hires” computers to manage the mass production is no longer news.对比平庸范例At the same time, it is not new that many people are using computers to manage the factories.这里优秀范例很俏皮的用了hires,而不是buy,第一点与前面的取代了人的位置相呼应,因为hire只能hire人,但是在这里hire的是computers,其实就是在强调computers取代了人的位置。其次,mass production没有用常见的factory production,亦或者assembly line,不见得有多好,但是代表自己掌握的单词量很丰富,这也是给自己加分的。而且最后的no longer news也得很漂亮,用否定的方式,来表达肯定的意思,这个东西已经不新鲜了,也就是已经司空见惯了,更证明自己的论述很有道理。

     

    最后一句,优秀范例Neither of these seemed even possible only decades ago, but they now obvious examples of how a bussiness could be run without employees.对比平庸范例But they are imposibble in many years ago, but today, they are the most obvious examples of how a company run without many people.首先,作者将否定词Neither放置于句首,而不是像平庸范例一样用imposibble来表示否定,比较新颖,本身就使得句式与众不同,加分!然后,表示几十年之前,也没有用many years ago这样很常见的方式,而是直接秀了一下词汇量,用了decade这个词“10年”,词汇量赞!最后的亮点,就是在于but they now obvious examples of这个链接的很好,首先用they,呼应前文,然后用obvious examples of引导出自己的例子来支持自己的观点,浑然天成!而且优秀范例最后还用到了employee这个词,看似平淡无奇,但是反观平庸范例的用的是many people,顿觉得优秀范例用词准确。

     

     

    无老师优秀范例:Another reason why I advocate for space technology is that it does good to dwellers on earth not only in the future, but also today,– at this very hour, at this very minute, at this very second. Without satellites, an Australian could never be able to, say, take a day off, be a couch potato, watch a football game on the opposite side of the planet. With satellites, never will a Chinese professor travel by air to an academic meeting in America, and still step out of the plane with a trembling hand.

    无老师优秀翻译:我支持空间技术的另外一个原因是:他不仅未来对于地球的定居者有好处,而且今天也是,在每一小时,每一分,甚至每一秒。没有卫星,一个澳大利亚人根本就不可能放一天假,看一整天电视,在地球的另一端看足球比赛。有了卫星的帮助,一个中国教授就不用再飞去美国参加学术会议,带着(因为劳累)而颤抖的双走走出机舱了。

    无老师平庸范例:Another reason why I support the space technology is that it will not only good to the people on the earth in the future, but also today, at each hour, at each minute, and at each second. If we do not have a satellite, an Australian can not have a holiday to watch the football game in his coach in the other side of the earth. If we have a satellite, a Chinese professor will not fly to the United States to join in an academic meeting, and walk out the plane with shaking hands.

     

    无老师精析:不同的优秀文章,各有各的不同。本篇的优点就在于句式的丰富多样性,有排比,有倒装,断句的很清爽,让人读起来丝毫没有压力!怎一个爽字了得,而且还有couch potato这样的地道用语,简直就像是听看一场道地的讲座。点个赞!

    首先第一句,优秀范例Another reason why I advocate for space technology is that it does good to dwellers on earth not only in the future, but also today,– at this very hour, at this very minute, at this very second.对比平庸范例Another reason why I support the space technology is that it will not only good to the people on the earth in the future, but also today, at each hour, at each minute, and at each second.优秀范例真的是要星星眼!写的太赞了!首先Another reason why I advocate for,一气呵成,拿来当模板用!赞~\(≧▽≦)/~!然后第二大亮点是强调句式does good!加分!平庸范例就丝毫没有体现出这层意思!第三点用词准确dwellers,特质当地的居民,而不像是平庸范例的people那么泛泛。第四点not only为了配合but also而特意放在句子末端,而不是像平庸范例那样放在句子中段,狂点赞!尤其是优秀范例最后的部分,一连串并列at this very hour, at this very minute, at this very second步步递进!大赞的模板句!而且还加上了very这样的强调句式!真的是振聋发聩!一句话集齐32个赞,晋级!

    第二句,优秀范例Without satellites, an Australian could never be able to, say, take a day off, be a couch potato, watch a football game on the opposite side of the planet.对比平庸范例:If we do not have a satellite, an Australian can not have a holiday to watch the football game in his coach in the other side of the earth.首先优秀范例简洁的Without satellites,一个回合就KO了平庸范例臃肿的If we do not have a satellite,然后再接下来,优秀范例的节奏感特别好,首先“, say,”一个插入语,轻轻敲起,就像是架子鼓在远方点燃我们的激情,然后take a day off又是一个逗号“,”,其后“be a couch potato”后面又是一个逗号,凌厉的三板斧,做得漂亮!不仅如此,这两个小短句还写的很地道,前面表示“休假”没有用holiday,而是用了固定搭配take a day off,其后的couch potato更是地道的用法,专指那些堆在沙发里看电视的胖子,最后on the opposite side of这里的opposite也是的很准确,指的是地球完全相反的另一段,而不像是平庸范例那样的other side,“另一端”是完全相对的,还是靠着我们的?表达的就完全没有opposite side这么准确。

    第三句,优秀范例With satellites, never will a Chinese professor travel by air to an academic meeting in America, and still step out of the plane with a trembling hand.对比平庸范例If we have a satellite, a Chinese professor will not fly to the United States to join in an academic meeting, and walk out the plane with shaking hands.首先平庸范例If we have a satellite就又是完败给了优秀范例的With satellites,然后优秀范例竟然用起了必杀技never will a Chinese professor——倒装句!加分!而且优秀范例的“乘飞机”也没有用平庸范例的fly to ,而是用了travel by air,稍有加分。至于优秀范例的still这个词和后面的a trembling hand用得很有画面感,小伙伴们可以体会一下。^_^至于平庸范例的shaking hands写的就不好了,因为会产生“握手”的歧义。

     

     

     

    无老师优秀范例:In the early periods of almost every bussiness, employee is not a neccesity. Founders of companies who are originally, in many cases, poor in money but sharp in mind start their empire by simply running on foot delivering mails or collecting wastes. Bill Gates left Harvard for his promising business, which, at that time, was hardly a company, with only a friend and intelligent ideas. Similarly, Buffet’s first buisiness was simply renting an old-fashioned game machine to passing people and obviously it was impossible for him to hire an employee.

    无老师优秀翻译:在每一个公司的早期,雇员都是不必要的。公司最初的创办者,在很多情况下,都是缺少资金的,但是思想上的锋利让他开启了自己的商业帝国,仅仅通过送货赚钱,亦或者是捡拾垃圾。当比尔盖茨为了自己宏伟的商业帝国从哈佛退学的时候,在那时,还不能说是一个公司,他仅仅有一个志同道合的朋友和一个伟大的创意。与之相似的是,巴菲特的第一个公司也仅仅是把过时的游戏机租给路人,显然,他也不能雇佣员工。

    无老师平庸范例:At the begining of each company, employee is very important. The people who build the company is very poor, but they are very smart, and they can start their own business, by sending things, or finding wastes. When Bill Gates give up schools for his own business, at that time, it is not a company, he only has a good friend, and a good idea. Just the same, Buffet’s first company is selling old game machines to the people who walk around, and obviously he could not have an employee.

    本月为了方便小伙伴们学习,乾坤听写包和作文巨讲堂同时更新版本号,跳过3月,直接进入4月,并且在每个月的月初推出。话不多说,4月作文巨讲堂开讲啦啦啦啦~\(≧▽≦)/~啦啦啦!

     

    其实我们无论是准备哪一门考试,我们往往第一反应就是到底应该用什么材料,其实这个问题,对于托福考试来说,特别的简单,毫无疑问,就是无老师每个月更新的作文巨讲堂!当材料的问题解决了之后,其实第二个问题更为关键,就是到底该如何用好这些材料。我们是看一遍就好了么?亦或者该背下来?你说嘛说嘛,不要卖关子吗!好了啦!其实托福最重要的就是用,托福作文靠的就是如何运用语言,因此对于托福作文来说,最好的学习方式就是仿写。至于具体步骤吗,很简单!

    首先第一步,自然是要将这一期的作文巨讲堂通读3遍。因为人类有个问题,就是看过一遍就认为自己已经知道了,但是问题是看过之后我们只是知道这个故事的梗概,比如说我们都看过少年Pi,但是有几人能够不看原版,直接拍一个一模一样的少年Pi呢?

    第二步:按照中文释义自己将其翻译成英文。因为只有自己将其翻译成英文,才能知道自己的写作能力是怎样的。在这里不要害怕已经将原文背下来了,如果你真的将原文一字不差的背下来了,那么我们的目的也就达到了。

    第三步:按照一开始给的优秀中文范文,修改自己的文章,这里要修改用词,句子的结构,固定搭配,用优秀范文里的内容替换自己的平庸的用法。

    第四步:随便找题目写2篇作文,尽量将优秀范例里面的元素用到自己的作文之中。

    第五步:每周坚持至少写2篇,将优秀范例里的元素用到自己的作文之中,否则就遗忘了。

    托福作文不接近满分,一定是之上的步骤做得不够!用功用的不够,自己将来是一定不会原谅自己的!托福作文满分的人,都推荐无老师作文巨讲堂!

    好了,上范文!

    第一句,优秀范例In the early periods of almost every bussiness, employee is not a neccesity.对比平庸范例At the begining of each company, employee is very important.在本句之中,优秀范例有两大优点,第一点是描写的很细致,也就是在本句话的开头,不仅用early做了限定,而且还用了almost every进行了限定,这就使得本句话的细节非常的丰富,这就好比是,你问我爱你有多深,如果你直接回答,非常爱你,那就没有力度,但是如果你回答,你是我的优乐美,那么对方就感觉很温暖,是一个道理,第二大优点就在于作者又用了形容词的名词化neccesity,本来是该用necessary的,但是作者在这里掉一下书袋,故意写的很书面化,没有用形容词,而是用了名词neccesity,这就写得很漂亮。

    第二句优秀范例:Founders of companies who are originally, in many cases, poor in money but sharp in mind start their empire by simply running on foot delivering mails or collecting wastes.对比平庸范例The people who build the company is very poor, but they are very smart, and they can start their own business, by sending things, or finding wastes.首先说关联,本局之中,优秀范例首先用了Founder与companies,这样呼应前一句的bussiness,起到了关联的作用,表明这两句话说的是相同主题。之后,再来看这句优秀范例,首先作者当表达“创始人”的时候,没有十分笨拙的,像平庸范例一样用The people who build the company,而是直接用了一个Founders来表达,简练,直接,然后又用了originally表达“最启示”的状态,而不是土土的用一个at the beginning,然后为了增加自己说话的严密性,优秀范例又用了in many cases,表示“大多数情况下”。

    接下来,优秀范例用了一个poor,看似平常,但是在后面又加入了in money,因为poor既可能表示穷困,也可能表示贫乏,比如说思想的贫乏,这里加入in money,限定的就很准确,而且一定程度上,还克服了poor有些口语化的问题,接下来作者妙笔出现!前面poor in money一抑,后面but sharp in mind一扬,节奏感超棒!充分突出了Founders思想上的锐利!然后优秀范例没有继续用company亦或者business,而是用了empire“帝国”一个词就描绘出建立的公司的庞大规模!十分到位!至于最后的foot delivering mails,就必须要感叹作者描绘的准确性,用foot限定delivering mails,显示出创业的艰辛。

    第三句,开始举例了,优秀范例Bill Gates left Harvard for his promising business, which, at that time, was hardly a company, with only a friend and intelligent ideas.对比平庸范例When Bill Gates give up schools for his own business, at that time, it is not a company, he only has a good friend, and a good idea.显然作者最出彩的就是用词的准确性上!一次点睛之处处处可见!首先用Bill Gates与前文的Founders of companies呼应,然后用了一个promising“非常有前途”,一词点出大业在前,马上成功的感觉!然后接下来,作者为了避免句式过于单一,于是在which这个从句中插入了at that time,调整句子节奏,然后一个hardly用的很巧妙!表示“这几乎还不能算是个公司”,这里就引起了作者的好奇心,那么他有什么呢?最后用with only a friend and intelligent ideas揭开谜底,原来是有一位志同道合的朋友,和一个聪慧的见解。

    最后一句,优秀范例Similarly, Buffet’s first buisiness was simply renting an old-fashioned game machine to passing people and obviously it was impossible for him to hire an employee.对比平庸范例Just the same, Buffet’s first company is selling old game machines to the people who walk around, and obviously he could not have an employee.首先,优秀范例先亮出Similarly,表示与前文相似,亦是表明本句话与前一句话一样的,都是举例,然后再亮出Buffet,显示出与前文的Bill Gates是相对应的。然后又用simply,显示出这里的Buffet的特点,也与Bill Gates是一样的,就是初创阶段极为简单!然后接下来用了old-fashioned,秀一下自己的阅读量!与平庸范例单纯一个old是大不相同的!我的词汇量大很多!然后优秀范例甩出一个passing people,与前面的old-fashioned异曲同工,也就是没看到,还真不确定该怎么说,但是一旦看到,就觉得就应该这么说,就是这个意思!

    在最后阶段,两处两点impossible for somebody to do something这个固定搭配,想想我们平时用了无数次的can not,顿觉得,还是有些新意的。最后,hire不见得用的多好,而使用的很准确,对比平庸范例的have,顿觉得have这个词用的太宽泛了!不准确,在表达“雇佣”的时候,就该用hire。

     

    无老师优秀范例:The major reason for my propensity for space technology is the potential of scientific research. No matter how the impact it occurred, from the moment of its very advent, scientific research had become the very dictator of our future. It is by these researches that human beings, the only creature with intelligence on the earth, began to beat their wings of aspiration. And more importantly, it had indeed done a great good for the humankind. Can you imagine getting access to the world wide web at your desk after rising in the morning without the research of millions of computer ancestors? Similarly, it is highly probable that the great-grandchildren of your great-grandchildren would be enjoying a trip across the “worm hole” while giving thanks secretly to his forefather, you, who voted for the expenditure on scientific research. In a word, the space project enjoys great potential, and should therefore be taken into account in top priority to ensure a better future of mankind.

    无老师优秀翻译:我倾向于太空技术的最主要的原因,是在于科学研究的潜力。无论他已经产生了怎样的影响,从他出现的第一天起,科学研究就成了我们未来世界的决定力量。就是因为这些研究,你们人类,作为地球上唯一的智慧生物,打开了自己希望的翅膀。更重要的是,它对人类来说也是很有益的。你可以想象在清晨我们醒来之后,就可以在书桌旁开始上网,如果没有数以万计的计算机先驱的实验的话?与之相似,这也是十分有可能的,那就是我们的子孙将会有机会参加穿越虫洞的旅行,而他会感谢作为祖先的你,因为你为科学研究投了郑重的一票。总而言之,空间项目有很大的潜力,应该放在造福人类的第一优先级作为考虑。

    无老师平庸范例:The main reason that I support space technology is the potential of science. Now matter how many impacts they have made, from the first day, science was our future world’s important power. Because of these science, humans as the first clever animal, open their hope’s wing. The more important thing is that it is very good to humans. You can think when we are awake in the morning, we can go to the internet on our desk, if we do not have so many computer old people? Similarly, that is possible that our next generations can join the worm hole journey, and they will thank to you as the ancestor who vote for the science. All in all, space projects have big potentials, they should be put at the first priority to consider.

    真的是生硬地写出平庸范例,真的是好难好难啊!尤其是在这片优秀范例文笔本来就这么好的情况下,尤其的难!但是为了小伙伴们的学习成绩能够突飞猛进,无老师只好拼了!

    这个月的作文巨讲堂真的是好长!无老师已经写到吐血,小伙伴们学的也要加油哦!

     

    其实小伙伴们乍看本期作文巨讲堂的时候,第一感觉有可能就是优秀范例比平庸范例长好多啊,之所以会出现这种情况,就是因为优秀范例因为词汇量的绝对压倒优势,使得自己的写作细节非常的丰富!比如说描绘一双眼睛,平庸范例有可能写的就是这是一双明亮的眼睛,而优秀范例写的就是,那一双明眸,让在场的小伙伴都看到了人性的光芒,这就是差距,虽然都是同一件事,但是因为描绘的细节的丰富,使得优秀范例的分数遥遥领先。

    本月的优秀作文是以句型的变化,小词的使用见长,倒装,并列,同位语一样不缺,而且还有各种用的很准确的小词,绝对是上品中的上品!话不多说,上品评!

    无老师精析:

    第一句,优秀范例:The major reason for my propensity for space technology is the potential of scientific research.对比平庸范例The main reason that I support space technology is the potential of science. 本句话,我们平时写支持某个观点,很有可能写的就是类似于平庸范例的The main reason that I support,用动词support来表示支持。但是优秀范例故意用了名词性的my propensity for就显得词汇量非常丰富,而且也使得表达方式很新颖和多样化,其实这可以当做一个小的模板来用,然后再接下来,优秀范例的the potential为后文铺平了道路,也指明了本段的写作方向,这都是极好的加分点!

    第二句,优秀范例No matter how the impact it occurred, from the moment of its very advent, scientific research had become the very dictator of our future.对比平庸范例Now matter how many impacts they have made, from the first day, science was our future world’s important power.首先本句用了the impact和it occur与前一句的potential of scientific research相呼应,使得前后两句话相关联起来。然后再接下来,优秀范例用了No matter作为句首,使得本句话没有延续上句的主谓宾的节奏,使得读者读起来不会感觉到疲劳,而且本句话的两个逗号也非常好的调整了本句话的节奏,使得读者读起来会感觉结构很易懂,这是作为句型的优点。表达方法上来说,优秀范例不仅用了advent来显示自己的词汇的丰富性,而且还分别用了the moment of和very来对其进行强调,这是非常漂亮的加分项,然后优秀范例还不满足,又再次祭出了强调用法very来强调dictator,其实这里最漂亮的,就是dictator这个词,因为我们平时最有可能用到的并不是dictator这个词,而是很有可能用到determine这样的词,但是作者跳出了这句局限,用了dictator“独裁者”来显示其的权威性,这就好像说一个人漂亮,不单纯说其很漂亮,而是说对方把范冰冰、李冰冰、angelbaby的优点集合于一身的感觉,这就写得非常令人感同身受,赞~\(≧▽≦)/~!

    第三句,优秀范例It is by these researches that human beings, the only creature with intelligence on the earth, began to beat their wings of aspiration.对比平庸范例Because of these science, humans as the first clever animal, open their hope’s wing.就会发现平庸范例的as the first clever animal和hope’s wing真的都只是东施效颦,写的完全词不达意。首先优秀范例用了强调句式It is…that,特别强调researches 的作用,而且这里的these researches还起到与前文呼应的作用,使得本句与前一句所提到scientific research产生关联,说明本句话与前一句话,还是讨论相同的内容。而且从第一句的,单纯的主谓宾句式,到第二句的No matter位于句首,再到本句话的It is…that的强调句式3句话,每句一个新的表达方式,让考官怎能不加分!然后优秀范例竟然再次祭出同位语!the only creature with intelligence on earth对于前面的human beings进行解释和说明,相当于大魔术之中,也就是3句话3个句型之中,又套了一个小魔术同位语,真是让人击掌叫好!而且在这里,优秀范例的选词也都非常书面化,creature和intelligence都是非常书面化的用语,而且最后又用on earth对其进行限定,漂亮!而且这里的结尾写得非常有诗意!beat their wings of aspiration“张开了希望的翅膀”,几乎是诗意的文字!考官看到都要醉了!

    第四句,优秀范例And more importantly, it had indeed done a great good for the humankind.对比平庸范例The more important thing is that it is very good to humans.优秀范例首先又用and和more与前文进行连接,然后优秀范例的more importantly,看似平淡无奇,但是当我们看到平庸范例的The more important thing看吐了之后,就发现,优秀范例写的真简洁,真好啊!然后优秀范例又用了indeed来进行语气的加强,加分!其后a great good看似平淡无奇,不就是表示“好”么,有什么了不起的。实际上吧,小伙伴们有没有发现,这里的good,不是形容词,而是名词!是的,这里的good不是形容词,“好”的意思,而是名词“善良”的意思!是不是感觉,自己之前都没有这样用过?

    第五句,优秀范例Can you imagine getting access to the world wide web at your desk after rising in the morning without the research of millions of computer ancestors?平庸范例You can think when we are awake in the morning, we can go to the internet on our desk, if we do not have so many computer old people?首先,优秀范例的Can you imagine,写的很地道!然后再接下来,不知道小伙伴们有没有疑惑过,“上网”到底该怎么写?是的,优秀范例,在这里给你做了一个完美的范例getting access to the world wide web,精彩!然后“早晨起来”到底该怎么写,我们通常都是像平庸范例一样,写个从句when we are awake in the morning,但是实际上,优秀范例,只需要一个简单的介宾短语after rising in the morning,这就够了!为什么要用那么麻烦的从句的形式呢?同理,你们再比较一下优秀范例的without the research of millions of computer ancestors和平庸范例的if we do not have so many computer old people,懂不?

    第六句,优秀范例Similarly, it is highly probable that the great-grandchildren of your great-grandchildren would be enjoying a trip across the “worm hole” while giving thanks secretly to his forefather, you, who voted for the expenditure on scientific research.对比平庸范例Similarly, that is possible that our next generations can join the worm hole journey, and they will thank to you as the ancestor who vote for the science.小伙伴们是不是觉得,像平庸范例那样,总是用possible已经感觉到累了,是的,优秀范例告诉你,这种句型下,可以用it is probable that,不仅如此,还可以用一个副词highly来修饰probable,表示很大的可能性。接下来,优秀范例调皮了,竟然写出了the great-grandchildren of your great-grandchildren,无老师只能暗暗地说一声:你狠!然后找个小本,飞快的记下来,原来几代之后子孙,是这么写的。其后,优秀范例的enjoy写的也很地道,在这里用了enjoy,而不是用了take,可以表明,优秀范例的英语,至少已经“小成”了!然后,优秀范例竟然想到了,“worm hole”虫洞的例子,只觉得让人脑洞大开,原来还可以这样!

    这就完了么?没有!优秀范例接下来又把thank给名词化,并且配上了giving,组成giving thanks,然后再用secretly来就是giving thanks,组成giving thanks secretly to,写得十分精细,而且书面化!不加分都难!而且,作者又精巧的写出his forefather, you,又是用到了同位语,来进行补充说明,而且也将句子的节奏调整的恰到好处,否则,小伙伴们有没有发现,写到这里句子已经很长了,读者马上就要烦躁了,恰好此时,用一个同位语来断句,调整好句子的结构,让读者喘一口气,继续欣赏下去。至于在优秀范例的最后,作者再次用了vote和expenditure,小秀一下自己的词汇量,是的,老娘的英语就是这么凶悍!

    最后一句,优秀范例:In a word, the space project enjoys great potential, and should therefore be taken into account in top priority to ensure a better future of mankind.对比平庸范例All in all, space projects have big potentials, they should be put at the first priority to consider.最后一句话,In a word只能算是标准配置,算不得亮点,接下来的两个亮点,小伙伴们已经遇到过了,就是enjoy和potential,这里,无老师特别强调一下enjoy这个词,很好用的一个词,用的好的话,可以代替take,have等一系列常用的动词,建议小伙伴们多找些例句学习一下。至于优秀范例最后半句话,真的是发力很猛!taken into account in“选择”、top priority“首选”以及a better future“光明的未来”,3个固定搭配,都是耳熟能详,建议小伙伴们都背下来,都是很好用的固定搭配,而且又搭配了一个ensure,虽然很简单,但是我们平时真的用的不多,所以也算加分项!

    看得爽吧!快点模仿起来啊!单纯的看懂很容易,但使用好,真的很难!刚把得!

     

     

    无老师优秀范例:Some people think that we could develop economic first and protect the environment when we’ve got enough money. Well, at that time we may hold a bunch of dollars in hand, looking around the devastated land and whispering “it’s too late.” Human desire can never be fulfilled. We’ve no idea how much money is enough. However, one thing is for sure, that the damage we make to environment is irreversible and irreparable. You can’t pour industrial wastewater to the ocean and wish that the chemical toxicant will forever stay there, waiting for you to recycle with your latest equipment. You can’t cut down the whole rainforest and expect it to grow back in 10 years to keep absorbing carbon dioxide with your magical auxin. Like time, some mistake, once have been made, could never be fixed. Environment is the clearest example. So, to avoid such tragedy, the government has better focus on environmental protection now.

    无老师优秀翻译:有些人认为我们应该优先发展经济,当我们有钱了之后,再保护环境。在那时,我们会捧着一把美元,看着周围荒芜的土地,然后喃喃自语“一切都太晚了”。人类的欲望无法被满足。我们不知道到底多少钱才够。但是,有一点是确定的,我们对于环境的破坏是不可逆转,也不可修复的。你不能倾泻废水进入海洋,然后希望化学毒物会永远留在原地,等着我们用最新的设备来回收他们。你不可能砍掉整片森林,然后期望10年后他们再长回来,用魔术般的植物激素来吸收二氧化碳。有些错误,就像是时间,一旦犯下了,就永远不能修正了。环境是最清晰的例子。所以,为了避免这样的悲剧,政府最好现在就开始关注环境保护。

     

    无老师平庸范例:Some people think that we should firstly develop economic, and when we are rich, we can protect the environment. At that time, we may hold a handful money, and look at the around waste land, and say to ourselves that “everything is too late”. Human’s hope can not be fufilled. We do not know how much money is enough. But one thing is sure, the destroying that our human have done to the environment could not be turned over, or be repaired. You can not let the waste water into the ocean, and hope they will stay there, and we can save them when we have the newest equipments. You can not cut off the whole forests and hope they will grow out in ten years, and use their magic chemicals to absorb carbon dioxide. Some mistake which are like the time had been done, they never could be corrected. The environment is the obvious example. So, in order to avoid this tragedy, the goverment should start to pay attention to protect environment.

    无老师精析:在语言之间的来回转换中间,初级的就是翻翻文字就好了,其实这都丝毫谈不上信达雅,只是机械的工作而已,如果我们再进一个层次的话,就会发现,其实不同的语言之间表达自己逻辑的方式是不同的,中文之中表达逻辑,依靠的是意思本身,而英文则是有一堆词汇实体上的连接,在学习英文过程当中,尤其是写作文的时候,尤其要注意这一点。

    回到本篇优秀作文上来说,其实原作者在句式的多样性上,并不见长,作者最强大的,在于准确的用词和对于句子节奏的把握。当然,这就已经非常难得了!

    首先第一句,优秀范例:Some people think that we could develop economic first and protect the environment when we’ve got enough money.对比平庸范例Some people think that we should firstly develop economic, and when we are rich, we can protect the environment.在这里优秀范例,并没有太多发力,如果非要说有亮点的话,就应该在于对于2个小词的使用上,第一个是first,第二个是and。其实first很容易辨别,只要稍微注意一下平庸范例用的firstly的位置就会发现,平庸范例,写的完全是按照中文语序来写的,而优秀范例放在develop economic之后,才是正确的用法。第二个亮点是and,and这个词我们之前只知道它是表示并列,但是实际上,这个词还有一个顺承的用法,也就是因为前面事情的发生,而自然而然会发生后面的事情,这个时候不用then,一个and就直接解决战斗,在此处,优秀范例不动声色的,来了一个and,可以说很漂亮。

     

    第二句,优秀范例Well, at that time we may hold a bunch of dollars in hand, looking around the devastated land and whispering “it’s too late.”对比平庸范例At that time, we may hold a handful money, and look at the around waste land, and say to ourselves that “everything is too late”.我们会发现,优秀范例句首的well,和that其实就直接起到了逻辑连接的作用,熟悉英语的人会知道,一个well位于句首,其实就是前文提出了一个想法,这里要表达自己的观点了,虽然有些口语化,但是还勉强可以接受,然后的that,就更为直观的,表明自己要继续论述。接下来,优秀范例的hold用的很生动,画面感极强,想想一个人抓这一把钱,但是周围空无一物,场面感极好!然后接下来,优秀范例为了承接hold和后面的in hand用了a bunch of而不是many,说明作者对词的感觉极好,清楚词汇之间该怎么搭配。然后再接下来的devastated和whisper,就是作者统治级的词汇量的展现了。相比下来,平庸范例的waste和say to ourselves,就直接被秒杀了!

     

    第三四句,优秀范例Human desire can never be fulfilled. We’ve no idea how much money is enough.对比平庸范例:Human’s hope can not be fufilled. We do not know how much money is enough.首先,优秀范例的desire写的很准确,这里作者想表达的是人类的“欲望”,此处像平庸范例那样用hope是不对的,hope是一种希望,实现不实现都行,而desire是一种赤裸裸的贪欲,是要被满足的,因此此处一定要像优秀范例那样用desire。然后第四句,优秀范例的have no idea就写得很书面化了,不像do not know那样过于口语化,加分!作文的用词就是要像大会讲话一样冠冕堂皇,不能像兄弟们喝酒那样市井气很浓。

     

    第五句,优秀范例:However, one thing is for sure, that the damage we make to environment is irreversible and irreparable.对比平庸范例But one thing is sure, the destroying that our human have done to the environment could not be turned over, or be repaired.(*@ο@*) 哇~!优秀范例用的太地道了!首先是is for sure写的太地道了!这就好像你跟别人说“那是必须的~~~”那么地道!然后再接下来,优秀范例又贱贱的把we make前面的that给省略了,地道!最后优秀范例反手两刀irreversible和irreparable,直接两个词,轻松解决战斗,但是平庸范例则是很费力写出了not be turned over, or be repaired,十分的拖沓冗长。

     

    第六句,优秀范例:You can’t pour industrial wastewater to the ocean and wish that the chemical toxicant will forever stay there, waiting for you to recycle with your latest equipment.对比平庸范例You can not let the waste water into the ocean, and hope they will stay there, and we can save them when we have the newest equipments.平心而论,优秀范例前半句话,还是显得过于随意,过于口语了,You can’t这样的句式放在句首,不是很严肃。不过接下来,优秀范例的industrial wastewater和chemical toxicant还是显示出了自己的词汇量,点赞。不过接下来的forever stay there就又口语化了。总结下来本句话到这,两个减分点You can’t和forever stay there,一个加分点industrial wastewater和chemical toxicant,减分点获胜。不过在本句话最后,优秀范例还是找回了一些颜面首先是waiting for的伴随状态,没有像平庸范例那样,用了笨拙的and句式,然后的recycle和latest两个词虽然不难,但是贵在精准!恰到好处,也是加分点。相比起来,当我们看到平庸范例的save和newest,就会让人感叹一下,哪有人这么说话啊!

     

    第七句,优秀范例You can’t cut down the whole rainforest and expect it to grow back in 10 years to keep absorbing carbon dioxide with your magical auxin.对比平庸范例You can not cut off the whole forests and hope they will grow out in ten years, and use their magic chemicals to absorb carbon dioxide.同上,用you作为句子开头,不好。不过下面的几个小词用的还不错,cut down、rainforest、expect看上去没感觉,但是再对比一下平庸范例的forest和hope的泛泛之谈,我们就会发现,反过来,cut down、rainforest、expect这几个词用的还满准确地!至于接下来的词汇量的展示carbon dioxide和magical auxin,当我们看完前面的优秀范例之后,就会发现,这些都是作者应有的实力。

     

    第八句和第九句,有些诗意了哦!优秀范例:Like time, some mistake, once have been made, could never be fixed. Environment is the clearest example.对比平庸范例Some mistake which are like the time had been done, they never could be corrected. The environment is the obvious example.这句话,就充分体现出作者的阅读量和语感,主要就是体现在逗号的运用上,首先,就提出Like time,然后一个逗号,再放出some mistake,这样人们就不会疑惑,到底谁是主语,读起来就非常的清晰,然后一个once也是用的很巧妙,在这一表示“一旦”就使得句子产生了前后的逻辑关系,这样就有层次感了,表示之前一旦做了什么,那么后果就……再一个逗号,放出could never be fixed承接上面的主语some mistake,没有用一个when或者if引导的从句,但是充分体现了其中的逻辑关系,而且十分的清晰,这就是高手之作!再对比平庸范例笨拙的which从句,就显得优秀范例,清新的感觉扑面而来!然后第九句Environment is the clearest example,简单清晰,不过也无甚亮点,算是中规中矩。

     

    第十句,漂亮的收尾,优秀范例So, to avoid such tragedy, the government has better focus on environmental protection now. 对比平庸范例So, in order to avoid this tragedy, the goverment should start to pay attention to protect environment.首先做着,一个So,表示自己要收网了!优秀范例的to avoid和平庸范例的in order to avoid可以说不分伯仲,优秀范例的贵在简洁,但是平庸范例的则是很书面,各有千秋。但是接下来优秀范例的小such就用的很漂亮了,因为such特指前文出现的内容,这写的很准确,相比之下,平庸范例的this就真的是有些指代不清楚了,到底是指什么,说的不清晰。接下来优秀范例的has better用的很简洁,相比之下平庸范例的should start to pay attention to本来问题不大,但是跟优秀范例一对比,就显得笨手笨脚,累赘拖沓。最后,优秀范例当说到环境保护的时候,特意用了名词化的environmental protection,而不是像平庸范例那样继续用动词形式protect environment,优秀范例名词性的environmental protection显然又加一分!

     

    整篇文章回味一下,优秀范例作者的积累,应该是很充分的,至少平时在很有益的积累词汇和看一些美剧,但是如果能再多注重一些书面材料的吸收,比如说多读一些专业化的杂志,论文以及书籍,应该说作文的层次又会有一个很大的提升。

    展开全文
  • GRE 满分作文解析 + 实例 + 模板

    万次阅读 2018-10-29 22:16:54
    TIPS:GRE ISSUE作文满分评分标准 In addressing the specific task directions, a 6 response presents a cogent, well-articulated examination of the argument and conveys meaning skillfully. A typical...

    Table of Contents

    Issue Essay

    Argument Essay


    Issue:准备提纲

      Issue要求考生根据所给的题目,完成一篇表明立场的逻辑立论文。Issue题库涉及社会、文化、科技、历史、政治、艺术等诸多方面。不同类型的题目有较大差别,但在同一类型的题目中却包含了许多命题方向非常接近的题目。

      Issue写作对于论据的要求是非常高的,因此你的名人事例的储备,相关知识量的积累是非常重要的。这一环节也正是GRE考生最为头疼的一部分,举不出支持自己的观点的例子,因此让自己的文章显得只有苍白的论证,缺乏说服力。因此要多读历史,积累例子,尤其关注那些重要的哲学家、科学家、艺术家、政治领袖等人的生平事迹、主要贡献。例如Issue里的这样一道真题:“Truly profound thinkers and highly creative artists are always out of step with their time and their society。”(真正影响深远的思想家和具有高度创造力的艺术家总是与他们的时代和社会步伐不一致)。这个题目如果没有必备的那些思想家和艺术家的例子,文章必然缺乏说服力。因此读历史积累写作素材,具体说就是论据素材是拿高分的一个重要环节。

      另外,写提纲对于Issue部分的备考是至关重要的,也是最占用时间、最核心的一个环节。每一个题目的提纲力求详细,不用去写开头段和结尾段,就写正文各段你的各个分支观点,也就是正文部分的论证过程。除了论证以外,写完后想想可以用些什么论据,把支持论证的论据也写上。需要强调的是,一定要较为详细地写Issue提纲,否则,在考场如果遇到没有思考过的题目,很容易自乱阵脚,导致失败。此外,题目必须考前按题材分类去写提纲,看懂,知道对立面和大致写作思路。论据往往在同类的很多题目中通用。写完提纲后,再写20-40篇完整的文章(语言能力弱的话,尽量多写)。

    GRE写作ISSUE作文开头段经典模板分享

    GRE ISSUE作文的开头方式比较常见的有这四种:直接陈述观点+概述理由;比较双方观点,阐明自己观点;背景开头+立场;提问+立场。下面我们逐一来看一下四种方式的具体例子。

    第一种:直接陈述观点+概述理由

    I agree with the speaker's broad assertion that money spent on research is generally well invested. However, the speaker unnecessarily extends this broad assertion to embrace research whose results are "controversial," while ignoring certain compelling reasons why some types of research might be unjustifiable. My points of contention with the speaker involve the fundamental objectives and nature of research, as discussed below.

    例文中先支持原文观点:把钱话在研究上是很好的投资;然后转折:结果有争议的研究可以不包含在投资范围的;最后,引出下文要论述的理由。


    第二种:比较双方观点,阐明自己观点

    There is much debate over the universal issues whether or not tradition and modernization are incompatible. Some people may claim that they necessarily conflict with each other, while others argue that the two are not mutually exclusive. Insofar as I can think, the best way is to coordinate them and exert their own advantages for contemporary society.

    第一句改写题目,第二句比较两种立场,第三句提出自己的观点。这种开头比较简单易学,也是同学们比较常用的开头方式,需要注意的是在点明自己的观点的时候,最好把下文中要进行分层论证的关键词结合到句子里面,比如上述例子中的coordinate ;exert their own advantages,可以起到引领下文,令文章结构严谨的作用。


    第三种:背景开头+立场

    Explosive development of science and technology has been made during the past one hundred years or so. When it comes to progress of the condition of humanity all over the world, there are always a host of different opinions held by different individuals from different areas. Have, you may wonder, the technology developments or innovations contributed to promoting our humanity? Admittedly, most people would consider that there are still so many troubles with us such as poverty, violence, conflicts and even wars. However, as a whole effect in general, technology progress has in fact, tend to lead to a significant promotion of the overall condition of humanity in the world.

    第一步,先做背景引入,第二步提出自己的立场。这种开头方式的优点呢,是可以体现写作者的知识储备和语言水平,但是缺点是不如上述的两种方法简单易学,在做与题目相关的背景展开的时候容易落入俗套。所以,同学们在练习的时候需要选择适合自己的方法。


    第四种:提问+立场

    What are the limits of our duty to save endangered species from extinction? The statement raises a variety of issues about morality, conscience, self-preservation, and economics. On balance, however, I fundamentally agree with the notion that humans need not make "extraordinary" efforts--at the expense of money and jobs--to ensure the preservation of any endangered species.

    以问句的形式开头,然后表明自己立场的开头段可以体现出句式的变化,与传统的开头方式相比,比较有新意,想要尝试变化的同学可以多练习一下。


    GRE写作ISSUE作文结尾段经典模板分享

    接下来来看结尾段的经典模板。ISSUE的结尾段最大的作用就是起到结构完整的作用,加上答题时间有限,因此,结尾段不需要再花费额外的精力来提出新观点了,只需要对文章做一个结构上的总结就可以了。下面的2个结尾段的句式,同学们可以根据自己的喜好,将句子改写成自己的写作模板,切记对任何句子和范文不要原模原样照搬,防止发生雷同,造成成绩无效的严重后果。

    第一种:总结结论+总结理由的方法

    To sum up, given the reasons mentioned above, we may safely come to the conclusion that…. not only because…, but also because…, but it depends on...


    第二种:回顾题目立场+再次确认自己立场

    In sum, I concede that….Nonetheless, to some extent…, the speaker's claim overrates/underrates the importance of sth…. In the final analysis, the optimal approach, in my view, is a balanced one that ….


    以上就是为大家分享的GRE写作ISSUE作文经典开头和结尾模板,希望大家在参考学习的基础上总结出适合自己的写作模板,在考试中结合模板和平时练习成果,写出高分作文,取得理想成绩。


    TIPS:GRE ISSUE作文满分评分标准

    In addressing the specific task directions, a 6 response presents a cogent, well-articulated examination of the argument and conveys meaning skillfully.

    A typical paper in this category exhibits the following characteristics:

    1.articulates a clear and insightful position on the issue in accordance with the assigned task

    2.develops the position fully with compelling reasons and/or persuasive examples

    3.sustains a well-focused, well-organized analysis, connecting ideas logically

    4.conveys ideas fluently and precisely, using effective vocabulary and sentence variety

    5.demonstrates facility with the conventions of standard written English(i.e., grammar, usage and mechanics), but may have minor errors

    ——————————————————————————————————

    Issue-101. Althoughinnovations such as video, computers, and the Internet seem to offer schoolsimproved methods for instructing students, these technologies all too oftendistract from real learning.

     

    ——————————————————————————————————————————

    满分范文赏析

     

    Nowadays there isa growing concern in regards to the role of innovations in education. Whilemost people think that innovations benefit learning process in various ways,actually, technology too often distracts students from real learning. To befair, I cannot argue that technology distracts from learning. Technology is atool and it can it can be used effectively or ineffectively.

    【此段结构】   第一句话简介了与题目有关的背景;第二句话分析了题目;第三四句作者提出了自己的看法,他/她不认为技术教学手段会使学生分心,而是作为一种工具,可以被有效或无效地利用。  

    【此段功能】   分析题目背景,提出作者观点。  

     

    To begin with,technological innovations do help teaching and learning in various ways. Withthe aid of these technologies, the process of teaching and learning can beshorter and easier than before. For instance, if a student wants certainpublished papers of an academic discipline, he or she may look through a considerablenumber of catalogs to find the desired works. However, the Internet providesaccess to a world of published information all at the tip of a keystroke. Thisnew approach can save a lot of time for the students and could lend more time forreading the papers and absorbing the knowledge rather than searching for it.This example aptly illustrates how technology advancement benefited thestudents and their learning process.

    【此段结构】   总分总结构。第一句话是本段中心,提示读者这一段是围绕着技术手段在教学中起到的积极作用进行讨论。接下来的句子用一个事例作为支持,讲述技术创新如何让学生们在查找资料是更方便了。尾句总结本段,重申技术进步给学生的学习过程带来益处。   

    【此段功能】   论点一,解释技术手段如何对学习起到帮助。  

     

    Secondly, whileinnovations can help learning in various ways, it is more important to rememberwhy we are trying to learn. What really matters is not the approach but thepurpose of learning. In India, where modern technologies are less applied tothe learning process than in the US and other developed countries, there are stillmany distinguished students achieving their academic goals with their hard workand desires to knowledge. What this indicates is that while technology cancertainly make us more efficient, we can still achieve our goals without it. Inthe US, where the software engineering students are given the most advancedfacilities and apparatus for their learning and research, it is wildly acceptedthese students are far less outstanding compared to the Indian students ofsoftware, who may share computers in groups. There may be a number of reasonsfor this occurrence but one reason may be in how the students use thetechnology. In India, for example, because the computer is a limited resource,perhaps time spent on the computer is used more efficiently whereas for theAmerican student, the computer is taken for granted and they spend more timelooking at funny pictures on Imgur.com.

    【此段结构】   前两句总领全段,指出技术创新是达到学习目的的工具和手段,不应因为它而忘记学习的初衷。接下来作者用印度和美国的软件工程专业学生利用计算机学习的情形做对比,举例说明了如何用技术手段达成学习目的取决于学生如何用它,而非技术本身。   

    【此段功能】   论点二,技术创新的成果是学习的方式,是为了达成学习目的的手段。  

     

    If not guidedproperly, the technology might inhibit learning. In other words, technology cancertainly distract the students from real learning instead of helping them. Itis obvious that a computer can help students of science to calculatemathematical equations but can also be used for recreation such as net surfingor computer games. It is highly possible that these students can spend moretime and energy on recreations rather than learning when using a computer.Thus, learning is inhibited. Under this circumstance, guidance and restrictionsare needed to ensure the correct use of technology for the purpose of enrichingthe learning experience.

    【此段结构】   同样是总分结构,作者在前两句提出本段围绕的话题,技术手段可能会分散学生的注意力,影响学习,如果利用不当的话。第三句起举例说明了计算机可以帮学生解决数学问题的同时也可以是学生上网和玩游戏的工具,如果学生或大量时间用计算机做娱乐活动,那么可能会影响学习。最后一句得出结论,在这样的情况下,如何利用技术手段需要指导。   

    【此段功能】   论点三,技术手段如果利用不当,可能会影响学习。  

     

    To conclude,technological innovations are beneficial to learning but when using thesetechnologies, one should not forget the real purpose of learning. If the userremembers to focus on his or her work, that will make all the difference in thelearning outcome. In the end, the argument is totally dependent on the studentsand the teachers using the technologies in question.

    【此段结构】   第一句话指出技术手段对学习是有帮助的,但是人们在使用时不应忘记学习的目的。第二句话补充指出在使用技术手段时,学生将关注点放在学习上,才会产生积极的学习效果。第三句总结到技术手段对学习的影响积极与否取决于人们如何利用它。   

    【此段功能】   总结全文,重申作者观点。  

     

    ——————————————————————————————————————————

    满分要素剖析

     

    一、语言表达
    本文作者并没有使用过多的复杂语法和词汇表达,但是清楚流畅地阐明了他/她对本题的看法。作者的语法应用准确,文章中也可见到一些地道的语言表达,可以看出作者平常对英语语言积累的重视。

     

    1.To be fair, Icannot argue that technology distracts from learning. 本句开头的to be fair是一个固定搭配,表示公平地说,平心而论。作者在表达自己观点时用到这个短语,使语言更严谨。

     

    2.However, theInternet provides access to a world of published information all at the tip ofa keystroke. 这句话末尾的at the tip of a keystroke用的很生动,它表示简单地敲敲键盘,就可以在网上搜到大量的信息,keystroke就是击键、按键的意思,比直接使用打字type或者输入input等词要更有动感。

     

    3.Secondly, whileinnovations can help learning in various ways, it is more important to rememberwhy we are trying to learn. 这句话用到了it作为形式主语的用法,代替后面真正的主语,不定式to remember…to learn,保持句子的平衡感。

     

    4.…whereas for theAmerican student, the computer is taken for granted and they spend more timelooking at funny pictures on Imgur.com. 作者在这句话中提到一个网站,imgur.com,这是一个著名的图片网站,如作者所说,有很多funny pictures。提到这个,会给母语为英语的批改者带来亲切感,也说明作者对英语世界的一些生活有所了解。

     

    二、逻辑结构
    通过这篇作文可以看出,作者的观点是不认为技术会像题中所说那样使学生分心,技术作为学习工具,对学习效果的影响可好可坏,取决于人们如何使用它。在总分总的结构下,作者提出了三个论点来支持自己的观点。首先,作者指出技术手段可以对学习产生积极影响。接下来,作者认为重点不在技术本身,而是要认识到技术只是学习方式,是达到学习目的的手段。第三个论点是技术手段使用不当会影响学习效果。这三个论点完整地支持了作者的论述。

     

     "Scholars and researchers should not be concerned with whether their work makes a contribution to the larger society. It is more important that they pursue their individual interests, however unusual or idiosyncratic those interests may seem."

      这个题目分析起来是说学术目的的。作为一个scholar/researcher应该考虑的是自己的感兴趣的领域所在而不是考虑是不是他们的研究成果是对整个大社会大环境有贡献的。这个题目第一眼看起来好象似乎是有理的,但是想到很多时候很多科学家的成果实际是无意义的。美国不是有一个搞笑诺贝尔奖吗?就是奖励类似的研究的。虽然也是科学成果但是根本就没有实际操作的价值或者对人类或者对社会根本就没有意义的。

      但是这个contribution在某些时候也可以引申到名利方面。从这个方面来讲,这个题目是可以成立的。

      对这个题目进行进一步的分析,可以看出来题目里面有一个比较,非常明显的比较,more来带出来的,所以我们可以说这个speaker的观点是很明显的表明了自己是支持哪个方面的。

      Should academic scholars and researchers be free to pursue whatever avenues of inquiry and research that interest them, no matter how unusual or idiosyncratic, as the speaker asserts? Or should they strive instead to focus on those areas that are most likely to benefit society?

      拿问句来起头,来质疑。脱离出了一般的解释题目的开头。虽然不是特别特别,但是还是让人感觉比较的attractive。l strongly agree with the speaker, for three reasons.非常直白的陈述自己的观点,同意speaker的观点。

      First of all,典型的连接词,开始陈述观点了。Who is to decide which areas of academic inquiry are worth while?又是一个问句,但是这个问句的作用和开篇的问句不同了,是引出来自己论证的第一个方面。Scholars cannot be left to decide.自问自答。

      Given a choice they will pursue their own idiosyncratic areas of interest, and it is highly unlikely that all scholars could reach a fully informed consensus as to what research areas would be most worthwhile. Nor can these decisions be left to regulators and legislators, who would bring to bear their own quirky notions about what would be worthwhile, and whose susceptibility to influence renders them untrustworthy in any event.

      两个否定句非常干净利索的说出作者的看法,没人有能力来决定什么是应该worth researching的。

      Secondly, by human nature we are motivated to pursue those activities in which we excel. To compel scholars to focus only on certain areas would be to force many to waste their true talents. For example, imagine relegating today's preeminent astrophysicist Stephen Hawking——霍金我想就不用介绍了吧—— to research the effectiveness of affirmative-action legislation in reducing workplace discrimination. Admittedly, this example borders on hyperbole(夸张法).Yet the aggregate effect of realistic cases would be to waste the intellectual talents of our world's scholars and researchers. Moreover, lacking genuine interest or motivation, a scholar would be unlikely to contribute meaningfully to his or her "assigned" field of study.

      这个部分举例说明了,如果把学者或者科学家局限于某个特定的领域内的话会也会局限其施展自己的talents,是资源的浪费。而缺少动力或者兴趣,人也无法完全发挥自己的talents用辨证的方法说出interest和contribution二者的关系。

      Thirdly, it is "idiosyncratic" and "unusual" avenues of inquiry that lead to the greatest contributions to society. Avenues of intellectual and scientific inquiry that break no new ground amount to wasted time, talent, and other resources. History is laden with unusual claims by scholars and researchers that turned out stunningly significant——that the sun lies at the center of our universe, that time and space are relative concepts, that matter consists of discrete particles, that humans evolved from other life forms, to name a few. One current area of unusual research is terraforming——creating biological life and habitable atmospheres where none existed before. This unusual research area does not immediately address society's pressing social problems. Yet in the longer term it might be necessary to colonize other planets in order to ensure the survival of the human race; and after all, what could be a more significant contribution to society than preventing its extinction?


    Argument:掌握逻辑

      Argument要求考生分析所给题目,完成一篇驳论文,指出并且有力地驳斥题目中的主要逻辑错误。Argument部分,首先要熟悉每一个题目,找出主要的逻辑错误,也就是Argument题目的提纲,同时每一个逻辑错误准备一套语言套路去说。写完每一个题目的提纲后,写10-15篇完整的文章(语言能力弱的话,可以增加写作量),找partner帮你改,知道错误以后再重写。

      有些考生写GRE文章,喜欢用专业性的逻辑用语,其实没有必要,就事论事比较好。在批驳的时候为了显得有力,可以多用用for example、it is possible that、it is likely that之类的句型,因为Argument就是挑错与找茬的过程。如果实在觉得错误不好找,那么就根据每一句话批,基本上,每一个表示原因的句子中都可能存在逻辑错误。

      有人认为,Argument背一下错误分类就可以了。但是在实践中这些只是次要的方面,主要的还在于寻找论述者的论据和事实是否对论点做了充分且必要的证明。只有找出他们之间的缺点和不足,文章才会流畅。掌握逻辑的因果关系,更好地把握文章的结论,会写出更漂亮的文章,而不是仅仅的survey、response、data等一些谁都用的东西,无论什么都是越具体越有说服力。

      难度: Issue>Argument

      总的来看,Issue难度高于Argument。对于考生来说,Issue比Argument要求拥有更扎实的写作功底和更严密的逻辑思维。同时,ETS对于Issue的模板化和plagiarisms更加敏感。总之,获得Issue高分需要较多的努力。相比之下,Argument内容相对单一(出错的逻辑类型比较少),题目中给了考生更多的提示信息,因此提高Argument成绩容易一些。

      参照ETS评过分的范文,我们不难发现:无论Issue还是Argument在评分标准上都有共同之处:第一,观点要有深度,论证要有说服力;第二,组织要有条理,表达清晰准确;第三,语言流利,句式复杂,词汇丰富。这三条说的也就是行文的“思想性”、“结构性”以及“表达性”。众多高分作文的考生大凡都在这三个方面做得很好,我们理所当然也要从这里入手,采取“各个击破”的方法解剖GRE作文的本质,从而得到一个理想分数。

      以上就是新GRE作文Issue和Argument的区别以及GRE写作技巧介绍,各位考生在进行GRE作文备考时可以采取各个击破的方法,分别进行攻克,争取拿到GRE写作高分。

    ——————————————————————————————————————

    ARGUMENT 模板

      1.开头

      ·In this argument the author comes to the conclusion that ...

      ·To justify the claim, the author points out that...

      ·The author also cites that ....

      ·Close scrutiny of this argument reveals that it is unconvincing in several aspects.

      2.中间三段过渡词

      ·First and foremost, ...

      ·In addition, ...

      ·Finally, ...

      3.结尾

      ·In sum, the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid and misleading.

      ·To make it logically acceptable, the arguer would have to substantiate that ...and that ....

      ·Moreover, I would suspend my judgment about the credibility of this argument until the author can provide more information about (why...and whether...).

      4.survey

      ·The survey must be showed to be reliable before I can accept any conclusion the author reaches based upon it.

      ·However, the arguer fails to prove that the responses are accurate or that the respondents are statistically significant in number.

      ·Additionally, whether the sample is representative enough to reflect the overall attitudes in terms of ...deserves to doubt.

      ·Without evidence of the survey's reliability, it is impossible to draw any firm conclusion about ...based on the survey.

      5.false analogy

      ·Even assuming that (别的)...are/is attributed to the implementation of ..., the author commits a false analogy in assuming that by the same means AAA will achieve the same result as BBB dose.

      ·The arguer fails to consider possible differences between AAA and BBB, which might help to bring about a different result for AAA.

      ·In fact, it is entirely possible that ...

      ·Perhaps ... Or perhaps ...

      ·Without accounting for these and other possible dissimilarities any analogy between the two ...is premature and the arguer can not assume that ...would bring about the same result in XX as ...did.

      6.他因

      ·The argument unfairly claims that AAA is the result of BBB-rather than some other phenomenon.

      ·The arguer ignores a host of other possible reasons for AAA.

      ·Perhaps CCC. Or perhaps DDD.

      ·In short, without ruling out all other possible explanations for AAA, the author cannot convince me that by xBBB ... -let alone ...

      ·或者 Since the article fails to account for this alternative explanation for AAA, the article's author cannot make any sound inference (recommendations to ...) based on AAA.

      7.Post hoc, ergo propter hoc

      ·The author commits a fallacy of "Post (Cum) hoc, ergo propter hoc" in assuming that BBB is the very cause of AAA.

      ·Although BBB occurred before (at the same time with) AAA, the only evidence is insufficient to prove a causal relationship.

      ·In order to establish a general causal relationship between BBB and AAA, other factors that might lead to AAA should be considered and eliminated.

      ·For example, CCC or DDD.

      ·The author's failure to investigate or even take into account other possible reasons for AAA renders the conclusion based upon it highly suspect.

       8.解决途径

      ·Even if that … may to some extent help to solve the problems, there is still another problem with the argument that the author unfairly assumes that ...is the only means of achieving the desired result.

      ·The article's author overlooks other possible means of ensuring that ...-such as ..., ..., and so forth.

      ·Without weighing the proposal against and ruling out alternative means of achieving the same goal, the author cannot convince me that ...is needed.

      9.局部结论用于整体

      ·The argument assumes that the AAA reflects (are representative of) the

      general trend upon which the argument relies.

      ·Yet the author fails to give any evidence to justify this assumption.

      ·Perhaps ... Or perhaps ...

      ·In short, lacking evidence that AAA are typical in terms of ...the author cannot convince me that ...

      10.整体规律用于个体或局部

      ·The nationwide study showing clear trends among two-income families toward dining out and eating healthily does not necessarily apply specifically to Bay City.

      ·It is quite possible that Bay City’s two-income families do not follow these general trends.

      ·For that matter, in Bay City the trend might be just the opposite.

      ·Thus, the nationwide trends that the argument cites Uamount to scant evidence U that Bay City residents in particular would frequent a new seafood restaurant in their city.

      11.盈利问题

      ·Even if Bay City families flock to the new seafood restaurant, the restaurant would not necessarily be profitable as a result.

      ·Profitability is a function of both revenue and expense.

      ·Thus, it is entirely possible that the restaurant’s costs of obtainting high-quality, healthful seafood, or of promoting the new restaurant, might render it unprofitable despite its popularity.

      ·In short, without more information about supply, demand, production costs and revenue, it is impossible to determine whether the company can earn a profit from …

      12.认为一切永恒不变

      ·The author's inference rests on the poor assumption that during ...the ...has remained unchanged.

      ·However, the arguer shows no evidence to support this assumption.

      ·It is entirely possible that ...or that ...

      ·Indeed, the fact that ...might actually portend failure for ...,which might need to ...

      13.非此即彼

      ·The argument suffers from “either-or” reasoning.

      ·Based on the fact that Monroe town residents are opposed to Brown’s proposed tax cut, the author unfairly concludes that they must be in favor of Green’s proposal.

      ·However, the author overlooks the possibility that Monroe town residents are not in favor of either proposal.

      14.对比实验问题

      ①要么U初态U不确定

      ②要么实验过程有U其他干扰因素

      15.其他

      ·攻击后果

      ·调查信息不完整

      ·缺乏比较的错误

      ·自相矛盾

    ——————————————————————————————————————————————

    In addressing the specific task directions, a 6 response presents a cogent, well-articulated examination of the argument and conveys meaning skillfully.

    A typical paper in this category exhibits the following characteristics:

    1.clearly identifies aspects of the argument relevant to the assigned task and examines them insightfully.

    2.develops ideas cogently, organizes them logically, and connects them with clear transitions.

    3.provides compelling and thorough support for its main points.

    4.conveys ideas fluently and precisely, using effective vocabulary and sentence variety.

    5.demonstrates superior facility with the conventions of standard written English (i.e., grammar, usage, and mechanics) but may have minor errors.

    评分标准解读

    要点1:clearly identifies aspects of the argument relevant to the assigned task and examines them insightfully

    关键词:identifies important features, insightfully

    1.identifies important features

    即鉴别一篇Argument的逻辑漏洞和错误。 important一词说明考生无需指出原文所有的逻辑错误,只要发现主要的错误,并进行有理有据的批判即可。

    2.insightfully

    即Data Mining(数据挖掘)。GRE作文看重思辨,并且非常强调对于每个主要逻辑错误进行深入的“理性批判”。理性批判的意思是洞察和挖掘每一类逻辑错误“背后的逻辑原理”。 “insightful”要求考生从逻辑原理的层面来攻击每一类逻辑错误。

    例如,在GRE Argument题库里调查(survey)类错误属于高频逻辑错误。考生在写文章的时候, 仅仅强调“此调查有问题,数据不真实,结论站不住脚”等,是非常肤浅的。 真正的“理性批判”是要从“统计学”原理出发来指出调查的问题。 例如从样本的“quantity”和“quality”两个角度来分析题中给出的调查。

    1)"quantity"指样本数量。此攻击原理是“必须同时给出样本的绝对数量以及所占的相对比例”。 例如某题目中给出如下的调查数据:5万名被调查者建议取消公司的打卡制度。对于此题我们要看到题干中并未给出公司员工的总量: 如果总量很大,那么5万只占了很小的比例。 同样地,另一题中:99%被调查的学生认为作业量过大。对于此题我们依然要指出调查样本总量的问题:如果被调查学生的总量很小, 99%这一看似很高的比例也不能说明问题。

    2)“quality”指样本质量。这也是调查类题目常见的一个错误点。 题库中大量的调查类问题都未指出样本选择是否随机(random)。如果不随机,这些样本的代表性(representativeness)无疑就被弱化了。

    要点2:develops ideas cogently, organizes them logically, and connects them with clear transitions

    关键词:organizes them logically、connects、clear transitions

    “GRE写作的逻辑”包含形式逻辑和内容逻辑: 形式逻辑就是指文章起承转合的逻辑信号、逻辑连接词。它们连接不同的内容,使行文显得有层次。内容逻辑就是指文章含义推导过程的严密性,和我们后文即将解读的排序方式是高度相关的。

    organizes them logically是本条评分标准的核心。 在GRE Argument写作里,只找到各类逻辑错误(find problems)是不够的。评分标准还要求我们很好地组织这些错误(organize the problems which you have found)。 只找到逻辑错误而没有将其组织好是无法拿到满分甚至高分的。

    通常,考生可以运用三种“排序方式”来组织逻辑错误,即顺序排序、主次排序和让步排序。

    1)顺序排序--即按照各类错误在原文中出现的顺序进行攻击;

    2)主次排序--即按照逻辑错误的主次顺序来排序,此种排序方式相比顺序排序更为合理;

    3)让步排序--最逻辑化的排序方式:首先攻击A错误不成立;其次在攻击B错误不成立之前,假定即便A成立,B仍然不成立;最后引出即便A、B均成立,还可以得到C不成立。 这样的“organization”显示了强大的逻辑思辨能力。

    因此,GRE作文考试要求考生不仅仅零散地找到几个逻辑错误,而且要合理地组织逻辑错误的呈现顺序,让文章的段落之间连贯一致,浑然一体。

    要点3:provides compelling and thorough support for its main points

    关键词:compelling and thorough support, main points

    1. compelling and thorough support

    这一点要求考生在指出原文逻辑错误的同时,提供有说服力的论证和论据。 关于论证,上文中提到的“理性批判”就是强有力的“support”。关于argument写作中的论据,与issue不同的是,考生不需要进行发散举例,只需要用合理的理由来阐释自己的反驳观点。例如考生指出原文的错误是A和B之间没有因果关系,即A不是B的原因,则需要阐释B真正的原因是什么;再例如,若考生指出原文中A和B不能进行类比,则需要指出哪些差异导致它们不能构成类比关系--此类论据才可称得上是有力的“support”。

    2. main points

    此条标准与上文中第一条评分标准,即identifies important features,非常一致,强调鉴别一篇驳论文的重要特征以及主要逻辑漏洞。

    要点4:conveys ideas fluently and precisely, using effective vocabulary and sentence variety

    关键词:effective,variety

    1. effective

    有效的--所谓有效的词汇,是指根据语境所选择“恰当的用词”。 在GRE写作里考生不需要哗众取宠地用“大词、难词”来显示词汇量。 真正的高手能够用简单而精确的词语来阐述深刻的道理。

    2. variety

    用词用句的变化性能有效地体现行文语言的多样性。

    要点5:demonstrates superior facility with the conventions of standard written English (i.e., grammar, usage, and mechanics) but may have minor errors

    关键词:standard written English, may have minor errors

    1. standard written English

    即使用标准的书面英语。英语口语体不合适用于GRE这类准学术型的分析性写作中。因此考生应注意标准的书面英语的语法,用词和文法。

    2. may have minor errors

    GRE作文允许有错误的存在。 考官认为,一篇满分的文章可以有错误,尤其是个别的拼写错误、语法错误和用词不当。这不影响一篇文章得高分。只要这篇文章准确地提炼了要点、做到了精确的对应匹配、逻辑性强、语言水平高即可。

    以上就是GRE ARGUMENT作文的评分标准和分析解读,希望大家能够参照上文内容,对自己的作文备考工作进行完善,做好充分准备,争取在考试中写出高分满分的优秀ARGU作文。

    TIPS:写GRE作文几大禁忌

    1. GRE作文不能写很口语化的表达,因为这是学术性写作,口语化会显得你词汇掌握不足,无法区分书面用语和口头用语

    2. 不能千篇一律的短句或者散句,而要长短结合,主次分明。

    3. 同一词汇不要反复使用。要在文章中体现出自己的词汇量。在遇到重复概念的时候不能反复使用同一个词汇来表达,多使用意思相近的其他词汇或表达方式,会让文章更加多彩。

    Arg-101

     

    Thefollowing appeared in a newspaper feature story:

     

    "Thereis now evidence that the relaxed manner of living in small towns promotesbetter health and greater longevity than does the hectic pace of life in bigcities. Businesses in the small town of Leeville report fewer days of sickleave taken by individual workers than do businesses in the nearby large MasonCity. Furthermore, Leeville has only one physician for its one thousandresidents, but in Mason City the proportion of physicians to residents is fivetimes as high. And the average age of Leeville residents is significantlyhigher than that of Mason City residents. These findings suggest that peopleseeking longer and healthier lives should consider moving to small communities."

     

    ————————————————————————————————————————

    满分范文赏析

     

    This newspaper story concludes that living in a smalltown promotes health and longevity. The speaker bases the conclusion on acomparison between the small town of Leeville and nearby Mason City, a largertown. While the argument appears valid enough at first glance, a closer lookreveals a few distinct weaknesses.

    【此段结构】

    本段采用了标准的Argument开头段结构,即:C – E- F的开头结构,首句概括原文的C(Conclusion)。接下来的一句话概括了原文为了支持他的结论所引用的E(Evidence)。最后尾句中给出开头段到正文段的过渡句,指出原文在逻辑上存在F(Flaw)。

    【此段功能】

    本段作为Argument开头段,具体功能就在发起攻击。首先,概括原文的结论:住在小城镇会提高健康水平和寿命。接下来分别列举了原文为了支持这个结论引用的证据:对小城镇Leeville和大城市MasonCity的对比,论据的归纳用于铺垫出正文段的具体攻击。最后点出原文存在逻辑错误,引出后面的分析。

     

    One initial problem with the argument is that the authordraws conclusion about the effect of a town's size on the health and longevityof its residents but doesn’t really present any evidence.  There are a lot of indications that theresidents of one town are healthier but the speaker doesn’t indicate why.  More specifically, the only evidencepresented here is the pace of life.  Thisdoes very little to establish requisite links.

    【此段结构】

    本段采用了标准的Argument正文段结构,即:概括第一个逻辑错误的错误类型和原文犯错位置,接下来给出合理的理由和他因来反驳原文。

    【此段功能】

    本段作为正文第一段,攻击文章犯的主要逻辑错误:因果类错误(无原因)。作者认为原文只提出了“小城镇居民比大城市居民健康长寿”这一现象,但是没有indicate why。这样法人为城镇大小对健康状况和寿命产生因果关系。

     

    Next, the author cites the fact that the incidence ofsick leave in Leeville is less than in Mason City. This evidence would lendsupport to the argument only if the portion of local residents employed bylocal businesses were nearly the same in both towns, and only if the portion ofemployees who are local residents were nearly the same in both towns. Ofcourse, in a more densely populated area with more people, the incidence ofsomething like sick leave would be higher. Without offering a per-capita rate,one cannot come to the conclusion that the rate is higher or lower in eithercase.

    【此段结构】

    本段采用了标准的Argument正文段结构,即:概括第二个逻辑错误的错误类型和原文犯错位置,接下来给出合理的理由和他因来反驳原文。

    【此段功能】

    本段作为正文第二段,攻击文章犯的主要逻辑错误:错误类比。对于原文中对两城市sick leave的比较,作者应当建立在两城市对本地居民的录用率相同,已经雇员中本地居民的比例相同这两个前提下。原文缺乏对这些前提的说明,所以不能从sick leave比较中得到结论。

     

    The author also cites the fact that Mason City has fivetimes as many physicians. However, any number of factors besides the health ofthe towns' residents might explain this disparity. For example, perhaps peoplein the city are concerned with cosmetic issues rather than health matters.Without ruling out such explanations, these physician-resident ratios provenothing about the comparative health of Leeville and Mason City residents.

    【此段结构】

    本段采用了标准的Argument正文段结构,即:概括第三个逻辑错误的错误类型和原文犯错位置,接下来给出合理的理由和他因来反驳原文。

    【此段功能】

    本段作为正文第三段,攻击文章犯的主要逻辑错误:错误因果(忽略他因)。作者认为Mason City physician数量是Leeville的五倍可能是其他原因造成的,例如concerned with cosmetic issues rather than health matters(关注化妆品胜于关注健康)。吐过在没有排除他因干扰,physician数量说明不了什么。

     

    Finally, the author cites the fact that the average age ofLeeville residents is higher than that of Mason City residents. However, anynumber of factors might explain this disparity. For example, perhaps Leevilleis a retirement community, while Mason City attracts younger working people.For that matter, perhaps Leeville is comprised mainly of former Mason Cityresidents whose longevity is attributable chiefly to their former life-style inMason City. In any event, the author cannot justify the conclusion that thisdisparity in average age has anything to do with the healthy benefits or lackthereof in either city.

    【此段结构】

    本段采用了标准的Argument正文段结构,即:概括第四个逻辑错误的错误类型和原文犯错位置,接下来给出合理的理由和他因来反驳原文。

    【此段功能】

    本段作为正文第四段,攻击文章犯的主要逻辑错误:错误类比。作者认为“Leeville”居民平均寿命比Mason City居民长”之一现象,可能是由其他因素造成的。作者给出了这样一个假设:Leeville是retirement community,而Mason City attractsyounger working people(吸引年年轻的工人)。也许Leeville的居民好多都是来自Mason City的,那么

     

    In conclusion, the argument that small-town livingpromotes good health and longevity based on the examples above is not verypersuasive. However, it seems like a sensible one that one should considertrying to strengthen. The argument could be improved if the author providedclearer connections between his examples of health and of the causes of suchhealthy examples.  More specifically, ifhe could prove that there was a very specific attribute in one place or theother that effected health, the argument would be far more convincing.

    【此段结构】

    本段采用了标准的Argument结尾段结构,即:C – S的结尾结构,首先再次重申原文的站不住脚的Conclusion,接下来给出给合理建议Suggestion。

    【此段功能】

    本段作为Argument结尾段,具体功能就总结归纳+建议措施,首先再次重申:原文“住在小城镇会提高健康水平和寿命”这一论断是没有说服力的。接下来作者给出几条建议:作者需要在health example和cause of health example之间建立逻辑联系,就是要提出影响居民健康的具体因素。这几条建议含蓄的隐射前面的错误,前后呼应,文章有力结尾,浑然一体。

     

     

    满分因素剖析

     

    【语言表达】

    本文的语言使用规范、清晰,词汇也用得准确地道,并使用多变的句式让考官读起来津津有味,这些都是GRE写作官方的语言要求。同时,文章的结构型语言和内容型语言相得益彰,结构是骨架,内容是血肉,二者完美结合。

     

    1. This newspaper story concludes that...(标志性的argument首段开头,引出原文的conclusion) The speaker bases the conclusion on ... (标志性的语句,引出支持原文conclusion的evidence). While the argumentappears valid enough at first glance, a closer look reveals a few distinctweaknesses. (标志性的首段结尾,通过让步语句,点出文章存在Flaw)整体开头段是标准的C-E-F的语言和逻辑模版体系。

     

    2. Finally, theauthor cites the fact that ...(标志性的论证段开头,提出原文错误的地方)However, any number of factors might explain this disparity. (标志性的argument语句,用于类比错误,提出其他可能性的存在)Forexample, perhaps ... while... (标志性的语句,用来提出对比的两个事物所具有的其他方面的可能性,用于类比错误) Forthat matter, perhaps ... In any event, the author cannot justify the conclusionthat ... (标志性的论证段结尾,总结上文的错误)

     

    3. Inconclusion, the argument that ... is not very persuasive(标志性的结尾段开头,再次点出原文的conclusion存在错误).However, it seems like a sensible one that one should consider trying tostrengthen. The argument could be improved if the author provided ...  More specifically, if he could prove that... ,the argument would be far more convincing.(标志性的argument结尾段,用于提出合理化suggestion)

     

    【逻辑结构】

    本文是非常严谨的开头段-正文段1-正文段2--正文段3-正文段4-结尾段的的五段论逻辑体系。开头段按照C-E-F的逻辑结构,顺利引出后文的分析。论证段中,从提出错误,到分析错误,到给出可能性,最后总结错误,层次清晰,衔接自然。结尾段总结全文,重申错误,给出合理化建议。这样一篇文章从开头到结尾逻辑严谨,内容清晰,圆满的完成了论证的作用。

    正文段的第四段写得很出彩,首先In conclusion, the argument thatsmall-town living promotes good health and longevity based on the examplesabove is not very persuasive.指出了错误观点以及错误观点依据的证据。接下来,However, any number of factors might explain this disparity.作者提出可能有其他可能性造成这一现象。For example, perhaps Leeville is aretirement community, while ... For that matter, perhaps ... 作者提出了一种假设并对后果进行了分析,从而反驳了原文的结论。In any event, the author cannotjustify the conclusion that this disparity in average age has anything to dowith the healthy benefits or lack thereof in either city.

    最后作者再次重申原文中的错误。此段按照提出错误,分析错误,给出可能性,总结错误的结构,层次清晰,衔接自然。

    ——————————————————————————————————————————

    2018GRE作文官方题库ARGUMENT题目:

    The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Ballmer Island Gazette:

    “On Balmer Island, where mopeds serve as a popular form of transportation, the population increases to 100,000 during the summer months. To reduce the number of accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians, the town council of Balmer Island should limit the number of mopeds rented by the island’s moped rental companies from 50 per day to 25 per day during the summer season. By limiting the number of rentals, the town council will attain the 50 percent annual reduction in moped accidents that was achieved last year on the neighboring island of Seaville, when Seaville’s town council enforced similar limits on moped rentals.”

    Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

    【满分范文赏析】

    The author of this editorial recommends that, to reduce accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians, Balmer Island’s city council should restrict moped rentals from 50 to 25 per day, at each of the island’s six rental outlets. To support this recommendation the author cites the fact that last year, when nearby Seaville Island’s town council enforced similar measures, Seaville’s rate of moped accidents decreased by 50%. There are several reasons why this evidence fails to substantiate the claim.

    【本段结构】

    本段采用了标准的Argument开头段结构,即C—E—F的开头结构。段落首先概括原文的Conclusion,接下来概括原文为支持其结论所引用的Evidence,最后给出开头段到正文段的过渡句,指出原文的Flaw,即其Evidence不能证实其结论。

    【本段功能】

    本段作为Argument开头段,具体功能就在于发起攻击并概括原文的结论,即:为减少涉及摩托自行车与行人的事故的发生,Balmer岛市议会应在该岛六个租车点将摩托自行车的日租借量限制由50辆下调至25辆。本段接下来列举了原文为支持其结论所引用的证据——在去年,当附近的Seaville岛的镇议会实行了类似的措施后,其摩托自行车事故率降低了50%。这些信息的归纳为正文段中即将进行的具体攻击作铺垫。

    To begin with, the author assumes that all other conditions in Balmer that might affect the rate of moped-pedestrian accidents will remain unchanged after the restrictions are enacted. People often find ways to circumvent restrictions. For example, with a restricted supply of rental mopeds, people in Balmer who currently rent in the summer might purchase mopeds instead. Also, the number of pedestrians might increase in the future.With more pedestrians, especially tourists, the risk of moped-pedestrian accidents would probably increase. For that matter, the number of rental outlets might increase to make up for the artificial supply restriction per outlet, a likely scenario in consideration of the fact that moped rental demand will not likely decrease.Without considering and ruling out these and other possible changes that might contribute to a high incidence of moped-pedestrian accidents, the author cannot convince me that the proposed restrictions will necessarily have the desired effect.

    【本段结构】

    本段采用了标准的Argument正文段结构,即:概括第一个逻辑错误的错误类型和其在原文中出现的位置,接下来给出合理的理由和他因来反驳原文。

    【本段功能】

    本段作为正文第一段,攻击原文中出现的第一个重要逻辑错误——忽略他因。原文作者假设在制定限制措施后,Balmer岛上所有其它可能影响摩托自行车事故率的条件将保持不变。然而,人们经常会发现避开限制的方法。例如,当摩托自行车的租借量受限制时,目前在夏季租用摩托自行车的Balmer岛人们可能会改为购买摩托自行车。另外,行人的数目在未来可能会增加。行人(尤其是游客)数目的增加可能会导致摩托自行车和行人之间发生事故的增多。鉴于对摩托自行车出租的需求量不太可能会下降,摩托自行车租借点的数目很可能会增加,以弥补每个租车点的租借量所受到的人为限制。本段最后指出:作者在没有考虑和排除这些可能会提高摩托自行车和行人纸质件事故的发生率的其它改变之前,是不能说服读者其所提出的措施一定会获得期望的效果的。

    To further explore the link between the two locations and a reduction in number of accidents, the author relies on what could be an unfair comparison. Perhaps Balmer’s ability to enforce moped-rental restrictions does not meet Seaville’s ability.In that case, the mere enactment of similar restrictions in Balmer is no guarantee of a similar result. Or perhaps the demand for mopeds in Seaville is always greater than in Balmer. Specifically, if fewer than all available mopeds are currently rented per day from the average Balmer outlet, while in Seaville everyavailable moped is rented each day, then the proposed restriction is likely to have less impact on the accident rate in Balmer than in Seaville.

    【本段结构】

    本段采用了标准的Argument正文段结构,即:概括第三个逻辑错误的错误类型和其在原文中出现的位置,接下来给出合理的理由和他因来反驳原文。

    【本段功能】

    本段作为正文第三段,攻击原文中出现的第三个重要逻辑错误——错误类比。或许Balmer岛在加强摩托自行车租借限制时的执行力不及Seaville岛的执行力。在这种情形下,仅仅在Balmer岛上制定与Seaville岛相似的限制并不能保证获得相似的效果。抑或是Seaville岛对摩托自行车的需求量始终比Balmer岛上的大。特别地,如果通常的Balmer岛租借点每天租出的摩托自行车数量比其可供租借的摩托自行车总量少,而Seaville岛租借点的每辆摩托自行车每天均被租出,那么被提议的限制对Balmer岛事故率的影响很可能会小于其对Seaville岛的影响。

    Finally, the author provides no evidence that the same restrictions that served to reduce the incidence of all “moped accidents” by 50% would also serve to reduce the incidence of “accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians” by 50%. Lacking such evidence, it is entirely possible that the number of moped accidents not involving pedestrians decreased by a greater percentage, while the number of moped-pedestrian accidents decreased by a smaller percentage, or even increased. Since the author has not accounted for these possibilities, the recommendation requires further substantiation.

    【本段结构】

    本段采用了标准的Argument正文段结构,即:概括第四个逻辑错误的错误类型和其在原文中出现的位置,接下来给出合理的理由和他因来反驳原文。

    【本段功能】

    本段作为正文第四段,攻击原文中出现的第四个重要逻辑错误——错误假设。作者没有提供证据证明使得“摩托自行车事故”的发生减少50%的那些限制同样也将使得“涉及摩托自行车和行人的事故”的发生减少50%。如果缺乏如此证据,完全可能是摩托自行车事故的数目降低了更大的百分比,而摩托自行车和行人之间的事故降低了较小的百分比,甚至可能上升了。本段最后指出:既然作者没有对这些可能性进行说明,其建议需要被进一步证实。

    ————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

    GRE满分作文北美范文全揭秘。学习GMAT/GRE写作往往离不开“北美范文”,但其中良莠不齐,并非篇篇能称之为“范”,毕竟它们不是ACT/ETS所钦定的文章。如此说来,Official Guide上的范文就弥足珍贵,无论6分的还是5分、4分的都要仔细分析,尤其是其中所给与的分析和评论更是要细细体味,领悟其精神,然后用心实践。

      下面是一篇官方给出满分的ARGUMENT范文,我们来一起赏析,看看它为何能scored six (先读文章,再看我的点评)

      The following appeared as part of an article in a daily newspaper:

      "Most companies would agree that as the risk of physical injury occurring on the job increases, the wages paid to employees should also increase. Hence it makes financial sense for employers to make the workplace safer: they could thus reduce their payroll expenses and save money."

      Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

      GRE首段

      This argument states that it makes financial sense for employers to make the workplace safer because by making the workplace safer then lower wages could be paid to employees. This conclusion is based on the premise that as the list of physical injury increases, the wages paid to employees should also increase. Howeveer, there are several assumptions that may not necessarily apply to this argument. For example, the costs associated with making the workplace safe must outweigh the increased payroll expenses due to hazardous conditions. Also, one must look at the plausability of improving the work environment. And finally, because most companies agree that as the risk of injury increases so will wages doesn\'t necessarily mean that the all companies which have hazardous work environments agree.

      GRE中间段1

      The first issue to be addressed is whether increased labor costs justify large capital expenditures to improve the work environment. Clearly one could argue that if making the workplace safe would cost an exorbitant amount of money in comparison to leaving the workplace as is and paying slightly increased wages than it would not make sense to improve the work environment. For example, if making the workplace safe would cost $100 million versus additional payroll expenses of only $5,000 per year, it would make financial sense to simply pay the increased wages. No business or business owner with any sense would pay all that extra money just to save a couple dollars and improve employee health and relations. To consider this, a cost benefit analysis must be made. I also feel that although a cost benefit analysis should be the determining factor with regard to these decisions making financial sense, it may not be the determining factor with regard to making social, moral and ethical sense.

      GRE中间段2

      This argument also relies on the idea that companies solely use financial sense in analysing improving the work environment. This is not the case. Companies look at other considerations such as the negative social ramifications of high on-job injuries. For example, Toyota spends large amounts of money improving its environment because while its goal is to be profitable, it also prides itself on high employee morale and an almost perfectly safe work environment. However, Toyota finds that it can do both, as by improving employee health and employee relations they are guaranteed a more motivated staff, and hence a more efficient staff; this guarantees more money for the business as well as more safety for the employees.

      GRE中间段3

      Finally one must understand that not all work environments can be made safer. For example, in the case of coal mining, a company only has limited ways of making the work environment safe. While companies may be able to ensure some safety precautions, they may not be able to provide all the safety measures necessary. In other words, a mining company has limited ability to control the air quality within a coal mine and therefore it cannot control the risk of employees getting blacklung. In other words, regardless of the intent of the company, some jobs are simply dangerous in nature.

      GRE末端

      In conclusion, while at first it may seem to make financial sense to improve the safety of the work environment sometimes it truly does not make financial sense. Furthermore, financial sense may not be the only issue a company faces. Other types of analyses must be made such as the social ramifications of an unsafe work environment and the overall ability of a company to improve that environment (i.e。, coal mine)。 Before any decision is made, all this things must be considered, not simply the reduction of payroll expenses.

      GRE这篇官方钦定满分的范文,其最明显的优点在于:

      1. 字数高达599words, GRE充分体现了字数为王的判分倾向。

      2. 标准的五段制,首段、GRE末端,中间三段,看上去很美。

      3. 没有陈词滥调、GRE满篇废话的模板式语言。

      只有以上三点离满分还是很远的,GRE之所以SIX,我看更重要的在于,每段各尽其责,既独立又统一,形成了完整的ARGUMENT,specifically:

      1. 首段再现了原TOPIC的推理过程,GRE并指出其assumptions多有不适;尤其令阅卷人高兴的是:首段在最后简化罗列了推理中的三个问题。要知道美国人就喜欢的作文---总分式,在首段就把三个ideas罗列出来,然后在中间三段分别展开,先总后分,一目了然。

      2. 中一的TS -- “The first issue to be addressed is whether increased labor costs justify large capital expenditures to improve the work environment.”可谓是一针见血,一剑封喉。对于这样严重的推理漏洞,如果不首先指出,其argument必然软弱乏力。此所谓Topic中的 “必削点”,不可不察。

      3. 中二的TS – “This argument also relies on the idea that companies solely use financial sense in analysing improving the work environment.”这可谓是剑走偏锋,独辟蹊径,出人所料。文章竟然批评了Topic以钱为本经营理念,提出了要以人为本,这样写是有一定风险,毕竟这不是Issue。

      那本文是如何化险为夷的呢?且看本段最后一句“this guarantees more money for the business as well as more safety for the employees.”我不由得长舒一口,人家再次回归了,又回到了Topic中以“Money”为本的推理。

      4. 中三的TS – “Finally one must understand that not all work environments can be made safer.”这充分体现了作者不只是坐而论道的arguer,而是关心其可行性的现实主义者,考虑到方案本身的可行性和局限性。

      5. 末端不但对首段提出的论点做出了重复性的总结,GRE而且又不厌其烦地把中间三段的ideas一一罗列。如此“啰嗦”估计令某些同学略有不齿,但这恰恰是美国人的最爱,cultural shock了吧?

     

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  • 我的理想经典优秀作文“我的理想”这个页面是一年级的时候在我的脑中打开的。家里刚买回电脑,我兴奋得一天到晚坐在电脑前,一会儿敲敲键盘,一会儿点点鼠标,一会儿问爸爸:“爸爸,这个游戏是电脑自己想出来的吗?...

    我的理想经典优秀作文

    “我的理想”这个页面是一年级的时候在我的脑中打开的。

    f0ea5cecf7e260eecd126f2dfd2f2444.png

    家里刚买回电脑,我兴奋得一天到晚坐在电脑前,一会儿敲敲键盘,一会儿点点鼠标,一会儿问爸爸:“爸爸,这个游戏是电脑自己想出来的吗?”爸爸笑答:“那是程序设计师叔叔设计出来的。”

    “是人设计出来的?”我瞪大了眼睛。“是啊,程序设计师还能设计出很多有意思的程序。你看这个程序……还有这个……”爸爸熟练地操纵着电脑,点出好几个窗口。我目不转睛地看着,然后大叫:“爸爸,我也要当程序设计师!”爸爸严肃起来:“当程序设计师必须精通电脑,还要熟悉各种编程语言……你做得到吗?”

    “我能行!”

    于是,“我的理想”这个页面以缓慢的加载速度开始运行了。

    每天做完作业,我都要坐到电脑前,把每个程序都点出来,问爸爸它们的作用和原理。爸爸不懂,我就自己上网查。课外,我最爱看的杂志就是《电脑爱好者》和《电脑迷》,这两位“老师”让我长了许多见识。四年级时的综合实践活动让我兴奋不已——计算机组的老师竟然选中了我!而计算机组的学习内容不是别的',就是编程。我们在老师的指导下,学会了PC Logo的编程语言,并设计出了许多实用有趣的小程序。“我的理想”页面上出现了一幅我所编的程序的屏幕截图和一长串程序名。不过,还远远不够,这个页面大的很呢。长长的进度条只增加了一小格。

    六年级时,我们计算机组的同学参加了市小学生信息技术竞赛。当我从老师那里问到初赛成绩时惊呆了:分数这么低!这样有可能进复赛吗?不可能了。我垂头丧气地想。“我的理想”页面弹出了一个对话框:“是否要停止运行此页面?”我思索了一会儿,按下了“否”。怎么能因为这点挫折就放弃呢!

    出人意料的是,我进入了复赛,在复赛中又捧得了一等奖的殊荣。我高兴极了。于是,页面中又出现了我欢呼雀跃的样子,进度条又增加了一小格。

    重新来浏览“我的理想”页面时,我发现虽然有一小部分多姿多彩,但还有好多部分处于空白状态。进度条已加载的部分也不到5%。看来我离理想实现还很远,但我一定会继续为理想而奋斗!

    【我的理想经典优秀作文】相关文章:

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  • 美国“高考”(SAT)满分作文选登

    千次阅读 2005-07-20 09:51:00
    美国“高考”(SAT)满分作文选登 新闻 2005-07-11 18:36:46 题目:请在25分钟时间内就以下话题完成一篇文章。不要偏题。偏题的作文记做零分。 认真思考下段中的引文并完成写作任务。 幸福感和满足感,而非个人...

    美国“高考”(SAT)满分作文选登

     

    新闻    2005-07-11 18:36:46

      

     

        题目:请在25分钟时间内就以下话题完成一篇文章。不要偏题。偏题的作文记做零分。

        认真思考下段中的引文并完成写作任务。

        幸福感和满足感,而非个人得失是一个人获取成就的最佳动力和回报。为了名和利而去实现某个目标,会带来失望和挫折。如果我们希望自己在生活中感受幸福,我们不应该为了名利去争取成功。干好某事的个人满足感便是它本身的回报。

        任务:人们争取成功的动力来自个人的满足感还是金钱和名誉?在25分钟内,构思并完成一篇短文阐述自己对这个问题的观点。用推理以及从你的阅读、学习、经历和观察中所得的事例支持自己的观点。

        (见本报第117期)

    (一)

    在当今这个堕落的社会,很多事物都失去了应有的面目。作为这代人的一员,看看周围的同龄人,我可以说他们的很多价值观都被错置了,或完全就错了。但是,之所以偏离了有着坚定价值观的生活,罪责不只在我们这一代。

    我们,作为十几岁的年轻人,深受成人世界的影响,他们中的很多人价值观已消失殆尽,从小到大几乎无可遵循。同时,青少年的主要信息来源——电视充斥着坏榜样,各式各样的娱乐节目荒诞不经、令人作呕。

    我是一个十足的愤世嫉俗者?非也。我知道世上仍然存在优秀人物,他们有着坚定的价值观,不被金钱、贪欲和物质主义的力量驱使。但是,在一片堕落的汪洋中,这些岛屿时常被淹没,或不为人所见。正因为如此,我将为社会上那些极少数坚守个人成功和社会进步之理想,而非为肤浅利益所得而放弃理想的英雄鼓与呼。

    马里奥·勒米厄便是这类人中的一个极好榜样,他是匹兹堡企鹅队的球员和主人。当他还是球员的时候,我就一直敬佩他,他表现出了卓越的体育精神,是历史上最伟大的冰球运动员之一。勒米厄在90年代震惊世界,带领球队两次赢得斯坦利杯,个人得分连续好几个赛季排名联赛首位。勒米厄退役时,很多人认为他们不会看到他重返冰球赛场的那一天。

    数年后,企鹅队破产了。勒米厄出乎意料地把球队买下来,这对他来说是一个经济上的损失。在球队表现低迷的时候,勒米厄决定重新穿上冰鞋以帮助球队走出困境。勒米厄这一次也放弃了金钱,因为他没钱为自己开工资。即便是退役后重返赛场,勒米厄仍称得上是联赛中最优秀的球员之一。

        勒米厄为在冰球中获得个人满足感而放弃对物质与金钱的占有,他的这个决定,为我们树立了伟大的榜样。

     

        评语:

    这篇论点集中的短文让作者的写作能力得到明显而充分的体现。作者通过论述当今这个被“坏榜样”和“荒诞不经,令人作呕”的“娱乐节目”塑造的“堕落的社会”,仍然有“那些极少数坚守个人成功与社会进步之理想,而非为肤浅利益所得而放弃理想的英雄”,表现出了过人的批判性思维能力。

    作者流畅地以时间为序叙述了马里奥·勒米厄的故事,有力地支持这个观点。作者不仅强调勒米厄球技高超,还强调他卓越的体育精神,以及“为在冰球中获得个人满足感而放弃对物质与金钱的占有”的个人决定。这发生在当球队破产时他买下球队,在球队表现低迷时重返赛场,尽管“没钱为自己开工资”。

    总体而言,这篇短文条理清楚,前后一致,用词多样,准确而灵活,句式结构也很丰富,体现了作者较强的语言应用能力(如:我是一个十足的愤世嫉俗者?非也。我知道世上仍然存在优秀人物,他们有着坚定的价值观,不被金钱、贪欲和物质主义的力量驱使。但是,在一片堕落的汪洋中,这些岛屿时常被淹没,或不为人所见。正因为如此,我将为社会上那些极少数坚守个人成功和社会进步之理想,而非为肤浅利益所得而放弃理想的英雄鼓与呼)。鉴于此,这篇优秀的短文获得满分。

     

     

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  •  最先碰到它的阅卷老师给了36分,刚及格(高考作文满分为60分);二评的老师判给它42分——这属于大多数考生都能得到的基本分。按照预设程序,一评、二评相差6分,它被电脑传给第三位老师。第三位老师判39分。 ...
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